Andy Ihnatko's YELLOWTEXT

CHANGE BOOKMARKS! CWOB.COM is now IHNATKO.COM! (Final Post)

Fri, 4 Jan 2008 19:36:28 -0500

Okay, here's irony for you: what was meant to be my final post to the old blog served as an annoying reminder of why I wanted to switch to a "real" blogging app to begin with. I failed to close a tag properly in the link to the new site, so I had to go back in and manually edit three files and FTP them up to the server all over again. In the new Wordpress blog, this wouldn't have been an issue to begin with. Even if I did want to change something, I'd just open up the blog post like any other document, make the change, and click "Save" like a normal person. [162 words in article.]

FINAL POST: CWOB.COM is becoming IHNATKO.COM! Change bookmarks!

Fri, 4 Jan 2008 19:18:27 -0500

I'll cut to the chase: the blog is moving! Go to

Wed, 8 Aug 2007 08:10:04 -0400

The editors, writers, and production staff of Yellowtext extend their heartiest and most sincere congratulations to that beachball-headed freak for hitting home run number 756 and breaking Hank Aaron's home-run record. He should drink lustily from his draught of victory and enjoy all of the plaudits while he can, however. Because if Jeff Segorsky's slugging streak continues, Bonds will lose the title by the end of the month. [219 words in article.]

"Show meeee...PURPLE KRYPTONITE!"

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:43:38 -0400

First off, I want to reaffirm my love for the Internet. I publish what I consider to be a whimsical interlude that pokes fun at nerdly obsession with useless pop-culture trivia, and less than a half an hour later, I get the first email of many that offers more examples of Thingamabobs From Film, TV, and Comics That Can Freeze Time. [1173 words in article.]

Consternation

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:37:50 -0400

Occasionally you have one of those weeks in which you feel like you're forced to stay inside all day practicing for a violin recital while just outside your window, all of the other neighborhood kids are playing and having a great time. I'm screeching my way through an adiago that I have no chance whatsoever of ever mastering and just as an "E" string snaps and whips across the bridge of my nose, I hear a loud metallic crunch. I look through the window again and note that the kids are now swarming a delivery trucks that's overturned and spilled its cargo of Snickers, Mounds and Twix bars all across the street. [1863 words in article.]

Barry Bonds - The Wizard of IBB

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:44:59 -0400

Walk him. [570 words in article.]

The CBS Saturday Morning Show!

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:23:26 -0400

Well, it's a nice bit of synchronicity. My Provisional Fiancee-In-Blogging Emma Kennedy is going to be on the Richard and Judy Show tomorrow morning, and is rightly excited about it: as I understand it, the UK-US conversion rate is 1 Richard & Judy Show = .77 of a Regis & Kelly + .53 of an Oprah. And on Saturday morning, I'll be on the CBS Early Show. [620 words in article.]

My life is SO much simpler when I do nothing...

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 23:24:35 -0400

Oh, dear Lord. At 5:14 PM today I made my week much more complicated than it had been at 5:13. [200 words in article.]

TV or not TV....?

Mon, 9 Jul 2007 14:55:04 -0400

I have been listening to Smooth Jazz for the past 15 minutes, which is usually just a different way of saying "I'm on hold, waiting for some people to show up for a conference call." [350 words in article.]

Declare? I Declare My Genius!

Fri, 6 Jul 2007 22:56:36 -0400

I'm confident that my readership includes a healthy demographic of people who like to go to nerdly conventions dressed in costumes. Comic-Con in San Diego is just a few weeks away but surely there's enough time for someone to put this together in time for Dragon*Con. [305 words in article.]

I sure hope JPEG is still a standard in 2022...

Thu, 5 Jul 2007 21:31:50 -0400

Why do I have such a hard time believing that peer-to-peer sharing has become such a huge contributor to the problem of pirated material? Perhaps this screen capture explains it better than I could do in words: [111 words in article.]

Picture Book

Wed, 4 Jul 2007 13:07:38 -0400

First batch of photos from Franklin's 1st of July 4th of July parade are up. A sample: [203 words in article.]

Oh, and puppies, too. Big-eyed puppies.

Tue, 3 Jul 2007 20:50:59 -0400

You'll be disgusted to know that I spent the entire day smashing adorable baby ducks with a big hammer. And then when there were no more ducks left, I went after the baby bunnies. Fortunately, my work was done before I had to hunt down the baby raccoons with the yogurt containers on their heads, but they were looking very nervous at around 3 PM. [821 words in article.]

Knocking out an iPod review; Video online

Mon, 2 Jul 2007 20:09:03 -0400

Writing my iPhone review for the Sun-Times. This is going to be a slaughter, truly. They're giving me more room for it but even so, it looks as though I'm going to have to choose between either clearly explaining huge, important concepts, or clearly explaning fiddly technical details. Because I surely can't do both, not within my paltry alotment. [836 words in article.]

And yet, Leno never calls me.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 20:12:27 -0400

Well! I was quite the little media whore today, wasn't I? [528 words in article.]

Except without the house and the cars and the money.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:14:44 -0400

Oy. I'm living like P. Diddy this week. When my phone rings there's at least a 1 in 4 chance that it's someone who wants me to come into some studio and talk about the iPhone. So despite this 90-degree heat, it's important that I keep fresh, camera-ready clothes handy. [199 words in article.]

Good...REAL Good.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 09:59:59 -0400

The Fourth of July is just a nine-iron away, which means that you can turn into nearly any morning show and witness a beloved American Independence Day tradition. [768 words in article.]

Oh, I'll just do a few Hail Marys or something later.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 18:38:03 -0400

I stink. [1930 words in article.]

I can't get Cover Flow working on this thing...

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:32:15 -0400

Santa Larry, my FedEx driver, pulls up to the house carrying a festively-wrapped gift. Which is hardly an uncommon occurrence, although when he shows up before 10:30 AM it usually means he's delivering something special. Whoever sent it sprang for guaranteed morning delivery. [301 words in article.]

Call Key Operator Call Key Operator Call Key...

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 13:46:07 -0400

Sorry to drop such terrible news on you all -- particularly on that glorious Flag Day-Fathers' Day five-day weekend -- but it definitely appears as though Satan has tapped his baton on his lectern and the overture to the Age of the Machines has begun. You have to concede that all of these wretched technical problems coming down on the same day is damned odd. [1641 words in article.]

Snappy Answers to Sensible Questions

Mon, 4 Jun 2007 00:22:49 -0400

A pal of mine just got back after a week's vacation on a luxury cruise ship. Seven days, fine accomodations, terrific food with 24-hour all-you-can-eat availability, exotic ports of call. [329 words in article.]

The swish of a blade...

Sat, 2 Jun 2007 00:42:24 -0400

As a public service to my many readers who are at profound risk of getting far too much done on this Saturday, I present the following imagery: [117 words in article.]

Everybody In The Pool

Fri, 1 Jun 2007 16:22:29 -0400

Memo to the ad agency that puts together TV commercials for Old Navy: [552 words in article.]

Charge of the Slight Brigade

Thu, 31 May 2007 08:01:50 -0400

A quick post, sensasion-seekers, written chiefly to beef up my stats for the month before May turns to whatever comes after May. I used to be real good at questions like that before the calendar switched to the Metric System back in '81. [984 words in article.]

GarageBane

Tue, 15 May 2007 17:17:19 -0400

I leaned back in my chair and I sighed twice. The first time, it was purely out of reflex. But the second one was deliberate. I was so exasperated at that point that the situation demanded something much, much more theatrical than a mere slow exhale. So I embroidered it with a sad shake of the head and a slight rolling of the eyes, and I dragged it out for so long that I got a little lightheaded. [503 words in article.]

The Scrying Game

Fri, 11 May 2007 21:11:05 -0400

Attention, makers of Skype. And (what the hell) anyone who might be moved to leap in here and defend it: [561 words in article.]

Clu Gulager, Touch Connors and Randy Mantooth

Thu, 10 May 2007 23:23:52 -0400

So. I was driving around, running errands that are vitally important to the continued health and prosperity of our glorious Republic, when I heard a phrase in a podcast that somehow struck me as being suitable for the title of a 1970's cop show. The sort where the announcer stings you with the phrase "A Quinn-Martin Production!" right after the title and before the phrase "presented...in color!" [484 words in article.]

Songs in the key of "Ewwwwww!!!"

Tue, 8 May 2007 06:37:44 -0400

Lilith is back together again after a very, very long Monday. It all started with the letter "R," or with the intermittent lack thereof. [1223 words in article.]

The Eye Piece

Sun, 6 May 2007 06:37:53 -0400

A brief update on the whole "No Eyeglasses" thing: it's all going swimmingly. It's been more than a week since I stopped wearing my glasses (partly because I had an eye exam and my doctor suggested I give it a try, and partly because I broke my only pair a day before, thus necessitating the office visit). [1441 words in article.]

Ansel Adams? Annie Leibovitz? Morons.

Fri, 4 May 2007 16:38:26 -0400

Woo-Hoo! Another one of my photos made Flickr's "Explore" page! [454 words in article.]

You Must Believe In Spring

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 18:27:54 -0400

Spring has officially begun: today, I logged the first sighting of a woman in short-shorts. And it was the kind of sighting that mattered, too. There was absolutely no need to pull her over and ask to see her paperwork. As she climbed the stairs in front of the post office I was immediately and absolutely certain that she'd passed the certification process and been cleared by county, state, and federal authorities to wear short-shorts, hot pants, and related styles of highly exciting and revealing Spring and Summertime trousers out in public. [481 words in article.]

Not quite Abbey Road, but still...

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 04:36:16 -0400

A new PanelCast episode from my Conference On World Affairs blatherings is now up on the server and fresh from the microwave. "Burning Man: Geeks And Hippies Join Hands" was a pleasant little outing which I walked into with a certain reasonable degree of itchiness -- it's like that nightmare where you're sitting for an exam on a subject you never studied -- but it turned out to be one of my favorite panels of the whole week. [538 words in article.]

CoWACast Show 7 - "How To Tell A Joke"

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 04:09:45 -0400

I've just uploaded Show Seven of the CoWACast - "How To Tell A Joke." For those of you coming in late, I recorded all of my opening comments and some of the panel commentary during the nine panels I did at the Conference On World Affairs a couple of weeks ago. One by one, these recordings are making their way towards the podcast, embroidered with an intro and a post-panel wrapup. [118 words in article.]

Don't make me over...

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:55:49 -0400

Honestly, I feel as though I've had a really low-budget unambitious Queer Eye/What Not To Wear makeover. I've felt just a bit discombobulated all day long. [2846 words in article.]

What's Andy Watching?

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:35:42 -0400

I think I've pretty much finished restoring peace and stability to the region after the tremendous upheavals wrought by the arrival of a new cable TV provider to the house. But then, I had a workable plan before I went in, and a clear definition of goals and all the assets I needed to achieve them within a reasonable timetable. [424 words in article.]

The High-Wire Act

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:48:31 -0400

I'm in serious trouble. [1752 words in article.]

CoWA Blackbird (Free Music!)

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:37:04 -0400

Here's a little audio gift to you, from me, via two people way more talented than I: [560 words in article.]

One for you, nineteen for me

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 19:35:45 -0400

"IRS Grants NE Taxpayers Special Reprieve For Nor'Easter" [362 words in article.]

CoWA - Day Two.

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 13:19:56 -0600

Just enough time for a quick post...I don't have a panel until 3:30 today so I'm spending a half a day in my virtual office. [1349 words in article.]

New Podcast is up, live (-ish) from Boulder

Mon, 9 Apr 2007 01:26:07 -0600

Greetings from Colorado, whose official state slogan is "You brought the wrong kind of jacket." [898 words in article.]

Nnnnnext!

Fri, 6 Apr 2007 03:09:35 -0400

My official statement on Drupal as a content-management system: it's a fine, fine piece of machinery. Like a $1200 mountain bike purchased at the very start of spring. I had the very best of intentions and the very highest level of commitment going in, but now it's just something I'm going to hang my laundry on until I give it away to a cousin or something because my friends, my ass is too sore to continue. [1114 words in article.]

The Panelin' Man

Wed, 4 Apr 2007 23:45:15 -0400

Am buzzing like a bunny; next week I'm off to Colorado for the annual Conference On World Affairs at the University of Colorado at Boulder. Check out the list of panels I'll be speaking on: [1270 words in article.]

Learning Curve

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 20:23:21 -0400

I did something today that I'm not very proud of. I'm happy I did it; it made me feel a lot better. But still, I can't help but feel a little guilty. [424 words in article.]

AppleTV On The Horizontal

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 11:06:55 -0400

The most awesome thing about AppleTV is that if you (a) are a technology pundit and (b) have a terabyte or more of music, movies, and TV shows on your home network, you can spend all day lying on the sofa with a remote in your hand and still call it "Work." [58 words in article.]

Working, Drooping, and Twitting

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 03:53:06 -0400

I thought I'd take a break to check in with y'all. [2095 words in article.]

New Horizons in Modern Idiocy

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 15:33:40 -0400

I Am Stupid, Special Postal Serice Edition, Part I: [705 words in article.]

Hello, I Must Be Going

Wed, 7 Mar 2007 17:21:17 -0500

Behold, the miracle of AppleScript: iTunes has just started playing Cole Porter's "I Can't Be Bothered Now" (as sung/danced by Fred Astaire). This only happens when Mail notes that the number of emails from readers who wonder if I haven't been blogging in a while because I'm desperately ill or something has reached a certain critical pre-defined limit. It exists to remind me that perhaps an update is very much in order. [1860 words in article.]

Full Feeds for Yellowtext?

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:30:08 -0500

I got an email today from a Concerned Reader who pointedly asked why I don't put the full text of my posts in Yellowtext's RSS feed. He's not the first, he surely won't be the last, and I'm talking about it here on the blog because it's something that I've been seriously mulling over recently. [1269 words in article.]

And a doorknob that doubles as a Purell dispenser

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 13:22:43 -0500

Just like the desk-sized machine in Dayton, Ohio that keeps the rain from coming down all purple like it used to in the days before steam power, Genius is something that should be left running 24/7. Take this to heart and you'll reap a lifetime of rewards. [170 words in article.]

Away: In lead-shielded nuclear fallout shelter

Thu, 8 Feb 2007 18:13:22 -0500

I'm busy. Busy, busy, busy. During the first half of the week, I'm usually "working on columns" busy, but for the second half, I'm "working on books" busy, which is far, far worse. It's one thing to be walking a mile in shoes filled with broken glass. During the second half of the week it also feels like my Odor Eaters have been soaked in lemon juice. [478 words in article.]

Pull Of The Astronomer Monday!

Tue, 6 Feb 2007 21:33:50 -0500

"Phil!" I laughed. "You rockstar!" [827 words in article.]

Who searches for Lost Thomas?

Sun, 4 Feb 2007 22:16:14 -0500

Lots of you are (like me) longtime fans of Evan Dorkin...if response to my Mooninite post is any indication. Well, then, you definitely need to visit Evan's blog. Lately, he's been cataloguing monsters. [152 words in article.]

Depression Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

Fri, 2 Feb 2007 18:22:06 -0500

Folks often send me things they've written, and they ask me "Andy, do I have what it takes to be a professional writer?" [1017 words in article.]

Because it's WRONG to wish for a house fire or a car wreck

Fri, 2 Feb 2007 14:20:36 -0500

I wasn't lucky enough to be watching when a passing truck snagged an overhead wire a few days ago. But repair crews in two bucket trucks have been working their way up and down the street all morning, like a couple of brontosauri grazing in a territory with no natural predators. And that's just as good. [170 words in article.]

A Broken Heart For Every Light Pulled Down In Boston

Thu, 1 Feb 2007 12:54:08 -0500

This post is for Doug, a composite character who, in my mind, represents everybody who's posting about the Aqua Teen Hunger Force kerfuffle: [1630 words in article.]

Prise on the Eyes

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 17:54:46 -0500

Congratulate me, sensation-seekers: I'm in the running to receive a Highly Prestigious Journalism Award. [1327 words in article.]

Darken Not My Door With Your Gorilla-Clad Feet

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 14:46:06 -0500

Mark Evanier has been encouraging folks to post banners on their sites promoting National Gorilla Suit Day. Mark is a longtime pal, and I'm pleased by his evangelism of what I'm certain is a positive cause. [1200 words in article.]

How To Make Friends And Influence People

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 20:02:46 -0500

It's time once again to update the canonical list of Groups That Hold Andy Ihnatko In Utter Contempt. In no particular order: [1720 words in article.]

The Painter Of Red Ink

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:55:41 -0500

[369 words in article.]

You can spray it all day with the Vitamin A...

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 04:41:24 -0500

The Post-Macworld Headcold Clock has ticked into Day Three. [181 words in article.]

Slackish Boy

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 18:16:03 -0500

"Awesome," I thought, as I settled onto the sofa and picked up my TiVO remote early Monday morning. "I got a good four hours' sleep on the redeye flight and can look forward to something akin to a full day back home." [1486 words in article.]

Testing, Testing, Will Robison. Yes, I misspelled it.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 16:42:21 -0500

Hello, world. This is another demo of CWOBber, presented at Macworld Expo. [196 words in article.]

Another demo

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 14:19:43 -0500

Hi, blog readers! [29 words in article.]

Plus, All Year Long, You Never Need To Pay For Apricots

Mon, 1 Jan 2007 12:05:23 -0500

[1584 words in article.]

From The Company That Brought You Advantix

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 22:26:03 -0500

This video from Kodak is pure, stress-laminated genius. I've said this before: I don't know who the company either hired or fired at the turn of the century, but they transformed themselves from the company that couldn't shoot straight to the Anti-Polaroid, able to reinvent and adapt and excel when the world pulls your market out from under you. [152 words in article.]

Idle Thought

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 00:31:52 -0500

Two caskets, crossing the country at about the same time. [121 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 18

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 03:36:17 -0500

Better Things

The Kinks

Give the People What They Want (Remastered)

Genre: Rock

[731 words in article.]

iTunes Avent Calendar - Day 17

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 13:38:16 -0500

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Cyndi Lauper & Frank Sinatra

A Very Special Christmas, Vol. 2

Genre: Holiday

[756 words in article.]

Immortal Beloved

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:09:22 -0500

Longtime readers of this blog are aware that I tend to track my personal "One Of God's Beloved/NOT One Of God's Beloved" stats rather carefully. If you had a lick of common sense, you would, too. Maybe God exists, maybe not...but when you carry those numbers on a laminated card in your wallet, you walk into the job interview armed with exactly the kind of hard data that'll land you the Taco Bell assistant-managership. [571 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 16

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 00:07:43 -0500

Difficult to Cure (Beethoven's Ninth)

Rainbow

Difficult to Cure

Genre: Rock

[1108 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 15

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 23:49:06 -0500

Help Me

Johnny Cash

American V: A Hundred Highways

Genre: Country

[683 words in article.]

Like The Biblical Job, only With A Kick-Ass SLR

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 05:21:33 -0500

You have shown pity for me in the past. This was a shrewd instinct and I applaud you for it. Although honestly, I'd prefer that you drop the word "pity" and replace it with "tremendous respect for my steely, Abraham Lincoln-like resolve in the face of great challenge," but it's not like I'm going to insist or anything. [715 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 14

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 23:50:27 -0500

Words Cannot Describe

Mirah

You Think It's Like This, But Really It's Like This

Genre: Rock

[633 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 13

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:56:49 -0500

Here To Go

Devo

Greatest Hits

Genre: Alternative & Punk

[920 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 12

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:59:56 -0500

War Pigs (Live)

Black Sabbath

Reunion (Live)

Genre: Rock

[958 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 11

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 23:05:20 -0500

A Christmas Carol

Charles Dickens

A Christmas Carol (Abridged Fiction)

Genre: Classics

[1518 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 10

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 20:35:01 -0500

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Bill Evans

Bill Evans: The Best of Verve

Genre: Jazz

[615 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar: Day 9

Sat, 9 Dec 2006 23:58:44 -0500

Enzymes

Steroid Maximus

Ectopia

Genre: Rock

[824 words in article.]

iTunes Advent Calendar Day 8

Fri, 8 Dec 2006 23:48:02 -0500

I'm Afraid the Masquerade Is Over

Herb Ellis, Monty Alexander & Ray Brown

Ray Brown - The Best of the Concord Years

Genre: Jazz

[820 words in article.]

The iTunes Advent Calendar

Fri, 8 Dec 2006 23:27:10 -0500

"Truly, has Ihnatko gone mad?" [632 words in article.]

Name That Tune #7

Thu, 7 Dec 2006 22:09:50 -0500

Tom Traubert's Blues

Tom Waits

Small Change

Genre: Rock

[920 words in article.]

Name That Tune #6

Wed, 6 Dec 2006 23:58:07 -0500

Blame It on My Youth

Sammy Davis, Jr.

The Wham of Sam

Genre: Vocal

[715 words in article.]

Name That Tune #5

Wed, 6 Dec 2006 00:00:19 -0500

Life Has Been Good to Me

Randy Newman

Faust

Genre: Rock

[750 words in article.]

Name That Tune #4

Mon, 4 Dec 2006 23:46:37 -0500

Playing With Pink Noise

Kaki King

Legs to Make Us Longer

Genre: Rock

[928 words in article.]

Name That Tune #3

Sun, 3 Dec 2006 22:30:14 -0500

Punk Rock Girl

The Dead Milkmen

Death Rides a Pale Cow (The Ultimate Collection)

Genre: Alternative

[922 words in article.]

In The Red

Sun, 3 Dec 2006 16:38:35 -0500

I encountered a small family as I walked out of my local Red Cross Donor Center this afteroon. The parents' carefree expressions flashed instantly to a mixture of fear and hatred upon the very sight of me. The mom yanked her kids into a crushing, two-armed embrace while the dad kept his body interposed between me and his family at all times. I'd barely even left the building when a man drawn from the very lowest castes of society leaped ahead of me, ringing a bell and shouting "Unclean...unclean!!!" to all who would listen until I reached my car and drove off. [1191 words in article.]

Name That Tune #2

Sat, 2 Dec 2006 16:29:39 -0500

Your Track Of The Day: [526 words in article.]

Name That Tune

Fri, 1 Dec 2006 23:41:22 -0500

How typical: I got so tied-up in building the tool and the technology for something I wanted to do that I never actually got around to doing the actual thing. [1160 words in article.]

Helen Keller, AppleScript Guru

Fri, 1 Dec 2006 22:22:56 -0500

The winner of yesterday's big "What Brand-New CWOBber Feature Is Andy Debugging?" contest was Mr. Ed Culney of Hattsboro, Delaware. Ed was the only reader to submit the correct response before the 6 PM deadline: "The ability to automatically blog the currently-playing iTunes track." [1294 words in article.]

Rock, Rock On!

Fri, 1 Dec 2006 04:35:05 -0500

Okey-doke...that actually worked 90% ok. All of the Complicated AppleScript Stuff(tm) worked just fine; it duly assembled the HTML code that I described. Scratch the remaining 10% up to my not describing the HTML properly. [158 words in article.]

Triscuit, one, two...Triscuit...

Fri, 1 Dec 2006 02:34:43 -0500

Yes, it's another exciting installment of "Testing A New CWOBber Feature." When last we left our plucky cast, they were unwilling to let well enough alone. Yes, they foresook the safety and security of a calm harbor and a working piece of software, choosing instead to take their lives into their hands and cast their fates to the winds. Bravery, or foolhardiness? Only Fate knows which word is written upon the scroll of Eternity, and even now, a bony hand tugs at the ribbon. [152 words in article.]

60-gig USB 2.0 Maxtor pocket drive - $40 at Staples.com!

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 06:49:05 -0500

Holy cats! Staples.com is having a virtual Black Friday sale. Get there quick to scoop up this bargain: [131 words in article.]

Bloggle-Bloggle!

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 10:42:49 -0500

What am I thankful for on this Thanksiving day? [1416 words in article.]

Testing Testing

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 23:59:06 -0500

Hello, folks! [58 words in article.]

Testing testing

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 23:56:38 -0500

Hello, folks! [58 words in article.]

Testing My Meal, And Your Patience

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 23:53:10 -0500

Hello, folks! [58 words in article.]

Testing again...

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 23:20:47 -0500

This is another test. I'm debugging a feature that isn't really working well. [52 words in article.]

Top Of The (Mayan) World, Ma!

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 10:55:56 -0500

So I'm blogging again for two reasons. Firstly, of course, to reconnect with you, dear readers, many of whom are shut-ins who thrill to tales of life in the Big Room outside. But then there's the desire for me to see if the ship's Internet connection is a worthless steaming pile of useless horsecrap, or merely a big heap of fetid uselessness. [1696 words in article.]

Dam and Blast

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 15:15:53 -0500

Canny readers of this blog spot items like the preceding one and immediately think "Ah! Ihnatko is on the move, eh?" Because yes, a demo of CWOBber in front of a live studio audience almost always implies that your correspondent is spending a few days brushing his teeth with a folding toothbrush and wondering how the hell he managed to not pack the battery charger for a $1300 camera. [2159 words in article.]

Demos build strong bodies ten different ways...

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 18:30:35 -0500

Hello, folks! This is another demo of CWOBber, my weblogging app. I'm on a cruise ship just outside of Key West. The crowd here doesn't know that my shower in my cabin wasn't working when I got back from my excursion, and that I now smell like a goat. [178 words in article.]

David Bowie: The Ultimate Mean Girl

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 12:20:50 -0400

What I Learned from Reader Response to Friday's Post: [462 words in article.]

Never Give An Internet An Even Break

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 04:07:30 -0400

The Internet is not like a crack dealer. Granted, I don't know any crack dealers. But I do know the Internet, and frankly, I'd rather have a crack dealer in my neighborhood. [1205 words in article.]

Another demo. Sorry, sorry.

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 15:14:46 -0400

This is another blog posting. Wave to the crowd, everybody! [164 words in article.]

Coy? Me? Oh, dear, no. Not coy, not me!

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 10:10:52 -0400

So. A. Just suppose that I told you: [263 words in article.]

Today's Recommended Reading

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 14:33:05 -0400

Today's recommended reading: [579 words in article.]

Finally...a Special Edition I actually want to see!

Fri, 8 Sep 2006 13:52:54 -0400

This was the biggest laugh that my Bloglines subscriptions served to me all week: [239 words in article.]

Digg'em!

Fri, 8 Sep 2006 00:38:06 -0400

Hah! Good, it works. [661 words in article.]

This time for SURE! Presto!

Thu, 7 Sep 2006 23:46:29 -0400

I'm suddenly remembering an old Warner Brothers cartoon...one set in that alternate reality where Sylvester the Cat has a little son. [173 words in article.]

Third test...getting there, I swear

Thu, 7 Sep 2006 23:38:38 -0400

Yes, it's another one of those annoying "Testing A New Feature" blog posts. [25 words in article.]

Testing Again...

Thu, 7 Sep 2006 23:35:19 -0400

Yes, it's another one of those annoying "Testing A New Feature" blog posts. [25 words in article.]

Testing, Will Robinson!

Thu, 7 Sep 2006 23:33:12 -0400

Yes, it's another one of those annoying "Testing A New Feature" blog posts. [25 words in article.]

At Last, The 1957 Show

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 23:37:49 -0400

Okey-doke...it's the last day of the month, so it's probably a good idea to get going on that "Sorry I haven't been blogging much, but I was completely consumed with finishing my next book" post, Viz: [1471 words in article.]

Religious Doctrine

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 13:35:09 -0400

Okay, Andy, new rule: [69 words in article.]

Hotter than a witch's inverted nipple.

Wed, 2 Aug 2006 09:10:13 -0400

Hey! I thought up a terrific joke yesterday. It's topical humor, inspired by the current heatwave: [399 words in article.]

And Dove bars. Hand out free Dove bars, too.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 15:30:23 -0400

TO: The World
FROM: Ihnatko
RE: My Orbiting Mind-Control Ray [1025 words in article.]

Holiday Ro-OOO-oo-oooo-oo-oo-OOOO-oo-o-oood...

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 07:46:39 -0400

ROAD TRIIIIIIP!!!!! [2 words in article.]

...In COLOR!

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 12:12:41 -0400

A semi-sucky start to the day, sensation-seekers. The Book has nearly slouched itself all the way to Bethlehem, so to speak. Which is a wonderful state of affairs but it means that as I strive to finish off the few bits and pieces that remain on the punch board in the coming week I've had to cut a few little frills from my schedule. [633 words in article.]

It's a WON-derful TOWWWNNN!!!

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:23:05 -0400

I read the news yesterday about the building collapse on 62nd Street. And although I was greatly cheered to learn that it was no accidental gas explosion, I still felt let down. [794 words in article.]

To the Boys in Brown

Wed, 5 Jul 2006 17:59:15 -0400

Dear UPS Driver: [411 words in article.]

Happy...Thanks...GIVING! From...W...K...

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 11:21:20 -0400

10 AM: [401 words in article.]

Glorious Television

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 15:45:17 -0400

I sit in the lotus position on a small carpet in a quiet part of the house. I contemplate not the simplicity and interconnectedness of the ineffable universe, but the four or five mobile phones that surround me in a semicircle. [642 words in article.]

You are the first team to arrive.

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 17:34:33 -0400

The events of Thursday afternoon featured one of those scenes in which Phil Keoghan makes an unexpected appearance on your personal TV show. [1382 words in article.]

Five Cents, Please

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 16:31:40 -0400

There's a series of "Peanuts" strips in which Lucy (in her role as roadstand psychiatrist) puts all of Charlie Brown's faults on slides and projects them onto a big screen for him to see, adding her comments as she goes along. [391 words in article.]

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 23:21:16 -0400

Testing again... [2 words in article.]

delete

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 23:04:23 -0400

Little Red Envelope is Back Open

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 22:49:30 -0400

When it comes to making delusional benchmarks of one's own popularity, the gold medalist is clearly Amanda from The Glass Menagerie. She wowed the judges at the 1944 Head Games in Stockholm when, during the Freestyle Super-Id event, she wistfully recollected that once, back in the day, she had so many gentlemen callers that her parents had to borrow some chairs from next door. [555 words in article.]

Put that coffee down...the free coffee's for people who can sell.

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 11:08:58 -0400

Greetings from a hotel room in...I don't know where I am, precisely. It's close enough to Philadelphia that you can call it "the Philadelphia area," but far enough away that if you flew into Philadelphia International on just two or three hours' sleep and someone picks you up from the airport, you can get in a good nap before you arrive. [727 words in article.]

Demo! Nothing can stop it!!!

Fri, 9 Jun 2006 19:17:50 -0400

Hello, everybody! [134 words in article.]

Test test test

Thu, 8 Jun 2006 17:42:29 -0400

Yeah, it seems as though I've found a subtle problem with CWOBber. Let's see if this fixes it: [46 words in article.]

Damn. How's this?

Thu, 8 Jun 2006 17:38:10 -0400

Yeah, it seems as though I've found a subtle problem with CWOBber. Let's see if this fixes it: [46 words in article.]

Testing...

Thu, 8 Jun 2006 17:22:09 -0400

Just doing a little debugging, folks...nothing to see here... [42 words in article.]

It's HOT as HELL! In PHIL-a-DEL! Phi-AAAA!!!

Thu, 8 Jun 2006 13:32:34 -0400

Hey, whaddya say we talk about me for a change? [1349 words in article.]

An Inconvenient Correction

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 14:16:56 -0400

This morning's email brought a message from the Executive Director of the Coolidge Corner Theater, correcting a post I made last night about the interruption to their screening of "An Inconvenient Truth": [725 words in article.]

An Inconvenient Evacuation

Fri, 2 Jun 2006 23:10:59 -0400

Today's Moment of Irony: [57 words in article.]

Troubled Boot-Camp Deformed Kid Makeover Video Special

Fri, 2 Jun 2006 13:10:33 -0400

Dear Maury: [140 words in article.]

Little Red Envelope podcast update

Thu, 1 Jun 2006 02:10:45 -0400

A new edition of my Little Red Envelope podcast is now online. It comes with the usual Little Red Envelope guarantee of excellence: "This AAC-encoded audio file conforms to the MP4 standard and will play on all compatible software and devices, including Apple's popular iPod digital music players." [70 words in article.]

Watery Fowls

Wed, 31 May 2006 17:08:31 -0400

Taking a short break between the Day Shift, during which I finished a newspaper column, and the Night Shift, in which the stated goal is to finish one and hopefully even two more chapters of this new book. That very goal is spelled out on the sign outside my house, right underneath the painted legend "First Unitarian Church of Medfield" and above the schedule of masses that was in effect when I swiped the sign one rainy night back in March. [879 words in article.]

t3h w3))1ng R0XxX0RRrrR!1!1! w00t!

Fri, 12 May 2006 20:44:28 -0400

Welcome to Love in the 21st-Century: [185 words in article.]

Birds do it...

Fri, 12 May 2006 12:19:17 -0400

I clear away the breakfast paraphernalia, and then I fill an insulated steel commuter tumbler with ice and most of the contents of a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. After completing the grueling .05-mile commute to my office, slipping into the seat behind my keyboard and clicking all four points of the safety harness into the lap buckle, I open a new document window in preparation for the metric tons of aggregate-form Genius that are certain to come spilling down through the sluices at any moment. As I take a sip from the tumbler, I also take a casual glance out of the window near my desk...and I immediately spot two birds making violent, shameless love just ten or fifteen feet away, right out in the open and everything. [310 words in article.]

First Thing

Mon, 8 May 2006 12:06:41 -0400

Whether your office is a 72-minute commute away or just two doors down from your bedroom, offices are offices. Being self-employed, I can't join in with my co-workers in coming up with new ways to describe what Jessica's done to her hair over the weekend and I can't even sneak into the break room when no one's there and make sure I've touched all of the bagels and pastries. [677 words in article.]

Captain Smoooooth...

Thu, 4 May 2006 08:35:27 -0500

I'm sure that the folks at Webster's New International and the Oxford English Dictionary will make this change in all future editions, but if you have kids in the house you're going to want to lose no time in updating it yourself, to preserve the authority of this vital reference book. [389 words in article.]

Progress Is Our Most Important Product

Tue, 2 May 2006 11:16:54 -0400

The good news is that I've turned the corner, both workload-wise in general and book-project-wise in specific. The hardest part of a book project comes after you've done all the fun research but before the writing has gained some self-sustaining momentum...and that's where I'd been stuck for the past few weeks. [931 words in article.]

When I'm good and damned READY, that's when!!!

Mon, 1 May 2006 20:34:22 -0400

Two reasons why I love iSquint: [132 words in article.]

Her actual title is "Apicultural Engineer."

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 10:00:07 -0400

On the spur of the moment, I have decided that I'm going to start trying to make people believe that I have a beekeeper on staff. I think it's a fantastic way to impress people. Not only does it suggest that you've got that kind of money to throw around, but it also implies that your home is a complex operation and your tastes and requirements are far beyond those of mortal men. [148 words in article.]

Untied.

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 00:59:27 -0400

I'm this close to turning off my TV and leaving it off for the next three weeks. I don't know how long. However long it takes before they stop running those commercials for the "United 93" movie. [202 words in article.]

repeat until (sickness is "cured")

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 01:41:43 -0400

I don't know why, but I've been on a huge AppleScript kick recently. This will come as a major surprise to anyone who started reading this blog roughly forty minutes after I posted the item you're now reading. [1196 words in article.]

The Basil Imperative

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 22:27:57 -0400

I bought Toni Basil's "Oh, Mickey" off the iTunes Store a minute ago, and I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit it. [78 words in article.]

Where The Magic Happens, indeed!

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 15:36:08 -0400

Well, how cool is this: I posted the previous item, trotted down to the kitchen to fix myself some lunch, and by the time I returned to the office I had received an email from a woodworker who said that he'd be more than happy to build me The Place Where All The Magic Happens. [361 words in article.]

I feel that the Pulitzer is now within reach.

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 12:15:48 -0400

On the Scroll Of Moments Of Immense Personal Pride, I have write a new line: "I have spotted one of my books at Building #19." [901 words in article.]

Stay on the buckling keyboard

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 07:23:36 -0400

I didn't have a terrific day today, sensation-seekers. When I tell you that it's now 12:36 AM and I'm only just now taking a dinner break in advance of the three or four more hours of work to come, I think you get the overall picture of where the needle fell on the Suck-O-Meter. [745 words in article.]

Another test...

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 14:51:56 -0400

Another test, folks...nothing to see here. Nothing! Tidings of comfort & Joy. [18 words in article.]

Bunny Heads, Bunny Heads, Roly-Poly...

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 07:53:41 -0400

On Easter Sunday, I desperately wanted to tell you all that if you've never heard of the Cakewhore Blog, then you absolutely needed to spackle that gap in your cultural awareness immediately. Because she posted photos of her Easter cookies over the weekend. I should stress that this photo represents only her customary level of excellence in the field of Food Porn. [478 words in article.]

Eternal Life By Chocolate

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 23:48:41 -0400

Today, the conspiracy to convert our fine American Republic into a full-blown, bead-jiggling, Bible-thumping Theocracy chalked up yet another major win: overnight, police forces in communities scattered all over Norfolk county -- resources that are budgeted from your tax dollars -- have been conscripted into an exclusive, private militia for Christian-friendly businesses. [841 words in article.]

We serve hard liquor to people who want to get drunk fast

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 05:33:58 -0400

"Another red-letter day for the Baileys!!!" I snapped. This is one of three different "It's A Wonderful Life" quotes that I keep using but which nobody ever identifies. The second is my usual response to "Merry Christmas" ("Happy New Year to you...IN JAIL! Go on home, George, they're waiting for you!") and the third is just plain good life advice. How many ideas for truly awful commercials would have been mercifully taken into the alley behind the ad agency and beaten to death, if only copywriters had embraced George Bailey's simple koan: "Oh, why don't you stop annoying people?" [540 words in article.]

I can SO take off my waistcoat without removing my jacket!

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 17:09:30 -0400

I return from lunch (and a trip to Staples to pick up some more of those spiffy cheap folding storage boxes), to find not one but two emails emphatically asking the same question. Answer: [811 words in article.]

Find!

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:31:42 -0400

Writing and office cleaning proceed apace. And when an office gets as cluttered as mine does, spring cleaning is like Christmas morning: you keep finding things that have been misplaced for so long that you forgot you even had them. [533 words in article.]

Parked.

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:23:21 -0400

You've probably guessed from the most recent few posts that at this moment -- and I've just double-checked to make sure -- I am at home in Boston instead of in Boulder. This the first time I've missed the Conference on World Affairs since I was first invited eight or nine years ago. [918 words in article.]

Picture Book (redux)

Sun, 9 Apr 2006 14:42:38 -0400

Hello, sensation-seekers...I've got my nieces and nephews over at the house, I've just taken a whole cardful of photos on assorted juvenile hooliganism, and now I'm showing my niece how easy it is to post a photo from my picture library: [134 words in article.]

Nature's Most Perfect Food

Sun, 9 Apr 2006 02:15:03 -0400

Speaking of "I want to put a picture in a blog entry, but not if it's a lot of trouble": [340 words in article.]

PIC-ture Book! Pic-tures of your Mama, Taken by your Poppa...

Sat, 8 Apr 2006 23:11:54 -0400

Okay, I rule: CWOBber (my homemade blog app, the output of which you are currently reading) now handles images automatically. Here, I'll show you: [1070 words in article.]

Nothing to see here, folks...

Sat, 8 Apr 2006 21:25:59 -0400

This is a test of either how much I freaking LOVE AppleScript or how much it just likes to toy with me. [79 words in article.]

Boy, when eBay says "Get It Here," they ain't kidding...

Sat, 8 Apr 2006 19:30:18 -0400

Incidentally, I've just clicked the "related websearch" of my last post. Check out the first ad that Google attaches to the search results: [100 words in article.]

I AM in my happy place, dammit!!!

Sat, 8 Apr 2006 17:34:40 -0400

This will probably be the last post I make to this blog before I set fire to the house and try to make it all the way to Ecuador before local investigators realize that the bones they pulled out of the rubble aren't mine. [642 words in article.]

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling...

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 15:37:53 -0500

There are times when I wish I were the administrator of an enormous scholarship fund. To be absolutely truthful, there was just the one time, and it was earlier this afternoon. But you would have wished the same thing if you had been driving along a residential street and spotted that 8-year-old playing on the sidewalk. Clearly, this specimen is destined for greatness. I wanted to tell him "Kid, you're on the right track. Keep following your own instincts, and you will change the world for the better" and there's no more emphatic way to send that message than to hand over a properly-executed legal document promising four free years at the college of their choice...be it William and Mary, or Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey. [664 words in article.]

Congratulations to Sean, from Your Pals at Yellowtext

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 15:42:47 -0500

So Sean Patrick O'Malley, archbishop of Boston, was elevated to Cardinal this week by Pope Benedict XVI. Naturally, here in the Land of the Cod the event was all over the news. Some TV stations actually carried the ceremony live from the Vatican. [814 words in article.]

Oscars 2006: The Destruction of Jared-Syn

Mon, 6 Mar 2006 13:01:40 -0500

It is morning. I have kicked Uma Thurman out of my bed and put her in a cab to the airport [1276 words in article.]

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 21:28:29 -0500

I need to check with the statistician: was this the first car fire on an Oscar stage? [33 words in article.]

2006 Live OscarBlogCast is now going on!

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 21:11:45 -0500

Incidentally, I am currently liveblogging the Oscars. Point your browser yonder for all the gory comments and commentaries: [45 words in article.]

Andy Ihnatko Picks On Oscar! 2006 is now Online

Fri, 3 Mar 2006 22:12:06 -0500

This year's Oscar Picks are up! Hang your eyeballs on 'em at this url: [399 words in article.]

Coughing aching stuffy-head fever so I can Blog medicine

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 23:58:31 -0500

Stage One: "My throat's a little sore. I hope I'm not getting a cold." [607 words in article.]

Geekus Interruptus

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 13:45:04 -0500

An emergency transatlantic cablegram arrived early Saturday afternoon from one of my operatives in New York, providing an on-the-scene report from the New York Comic-Con: as it turns out, the situation was not so much Comic as Tragic. And not the usual sort of tragedy you can experience at a comix and sci-fi con...ie, in which you spot a middle-aged 300-pound man nonchalantly walking around in a Counsellor Troi costume, and then you frantically squeeze a whole bottle of Purell into your eyes. [914 words in article.]

The Office

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 14:38:45 -0500

Okay, y'see, now this is why I don't have cable TV here in my office. A couple of weeks ago I hooked up a Slingbox to my TiVO and installed the SlingPlayer app on one of my Windows notebooks. As I write this, here in my Fortress of Productivity, aka Where The Magic Happens -- last year, the chamber of commerce erected a tasteful redwood sign outside the highway exit to aid tourists, pilgrims, and process servers -- my attention is split between this editing window and SlingPlayer, which is showing the "Project Runway" reunion show that I TiVO'ed last night. [816 words in article.]

Suffer A Little, Save A Lot

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 06:39:08 -0500

I'm issuing a Building #19 Alert to all New England operatives. I stopped in one of these extremely fine salvage stores yesterday and I wish to report two recent deliveries of particular interest to geeks: [632 words in article.]

Nobody EVER says 'Ftumsch.'

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 01:12:18 -0500

A few bits and pieces: [1233 words in article.]

Boinnnngggggg! That's GOTTA Hurt!

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 07:20:28 -0500

I agree: the Olympics is a wonderful and all-too-rare example of the peoples of the world uniting for a common, positive endeavor. In the past 100 years it seems like we've only been able to do that when the goals were to either determin an international champion in the field of curling, or to beating back the seemingly-unstoppable Nazi war machine. It's a bummer that this whole "redistribute wealth and resources to eliminate needless suffering" thing has been back-burnered but let's not begrudge the world community its many successes. [1557 words in article.]

$338,000,000 Can Buy MANY Donuts!

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:32:01 -0500

This morning I made an hourlong roundtrip to Rhode Island just to buy a few PowerBall tickets. I bought them at the first lottery store across the Massachusetts border, the type of liquor store that seems to cater mostly to the "I just got released from a court-ordered rehab an hour ago and I told the cabbie to drop me off right here" demographic. [902 words in article.]

The Eagle has Landed

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 04:15:53 -0500

Cool. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time since the summer, I have a working blogger app. Not a batch of scripts that have to be managed manually, not something that creates files that I then have to FTP myself...but an item in a menu that takes the contents of an editing window and turns it into two live webpages and an updated live XML file. [666 words in article.]

This Is Mic Number One, This Is Mic Number One...

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 03:13:05 -0500

Once again I give you a thrilling post filled with light and life and wonder and laughter and insight and none of those things, actually, because all I'm doing is testing some blogger code. [38 words in article.]

To Sleep, Perchance to Steal

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 10:02:56 -0500

Yeah, I know: "9:30 AM? And Ihnatko is actually awake?" Indeed, it's a world gone mad, but such is the inevitable outcome of a redeye flight. Many folks complain that sleeping on an airplane isn't really sleeping, but that only swats at the truth. After you land, you need to get 90 minutes of real sleep for every hour that you napped on the plane. I dozed from 10 AM to mid-day yesterday and then I fell asleep at around 10 PM last night, waking up again at 5:20 AM this morning. I think I'm finally back on the plus side of the ledger, sleep-wise. [912 words in article.]

Get Back To Where You Once Belonged

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 14:01:39 -0500

Back home. Not only am I back home, but I'm back home and I've had a five-hour nap, which is about as Back Home as you can get. [292 words in article.]

One-Sixth Of Rome Wasn't Built In Four Hours

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 21:07:01 -0800

Four hours in LAX. [4256 words in article.]

Del Griffith - The Final Chapter

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 14:34:19 -0800

I proudly summarize the events of my day thus far. I sit in the lobby of my hotel in La Jolla, awaiting a shuttle to San Diego airport and I assure you that I am garlanded with success: [572 words in article.]

Still in Elba

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 07:31:38 -0800

[First paragraph is a photo.] [1516 words in article.]

Exiled.

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 13:26:50 -0800

I am sitting in a lovely room at a resort in La Jolla, California, about twenty minutes away from San Diego. Palm trees lurk impatiently just outside my picture window. The pool opens in ten minutes and there seems to be some sort of putting green available. I didn't see it when I checked in last night, but it was dark, and how else to explain the sentence "Putters and Balls available at no charge at the Front Desk" in the Guest Services Guide? Golf equipment is used for two things and two things only: golfing, and colorful gangland retribution. I don't know whether or not there are so many loan sharks collecting bad debts out there that they're an identifiable and targettable demographic, but I'm aware that the hotel business isn't what it used to be and I applaud the management's eagerness to think outside the box. [1008 words in article.]

I'd like to teach the world to sing.

Mon, 6 Feb 2006 16:05:09 -0700

I. Love. Everybody. [1049 words in article.]

Surely On This Side Of Jerusalem, None Suffer As I Do

Sun, 5 Feb 2006 23:32:53 -0700

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you've been showing compassion in any form towards your fellow Man today -- you've given all of your change to a homeless person and prayed that they would escape the sub-freezing temperatures precited for this evening, or perhaps declined to say "It looks like a cow ate a whole bag of Skittles and then **** all over your head" to a co-worker when they invited your opinions on the new hairstyle -- please just sort of send this window into the background and read it tomorrow. You're going to want a full night's sleep and a good breakfast inside you for this. [2024 words in article.]

And then, this is when Courage beat out Coffee.

Sun, 5 Feb 2006 15:45:49 -0700

Folks, I am giving a talk on AppleScript. I have been talking for 6 hours with one hour break for lunch. I may snap, or I may be seeing God. [35 words in article.]

Bobbing Along the Pacific

Sun, 5 Feb 2006 07:07:14 -0500

Just a quickie, posted from the good ship Oosterdam, currently steaming south to...well, wherever it's headed. Mexico, somewhere. If the owners of this ship refuse to trust me enough to take the helm then I can't be bothered to learn where we're going. [544 words in article.]

The Marryin' Man, Part 4 - The Service

Thu, 2 Feb 2006 23:56:10 -0500

Too, too busy to do a proper post, but I need to put something in before midnight to make it to the end of my "something every day before I leave for Mexico" pledge. So: here's the full text of the wedding service I wrote and officiated for Shawn and Lesa. [732 words in article.]

Millionaire's Blues

Wed, 1 Feb 2006 22:51:34 -0500

Okay, remember the other day when I snarked about that the dude who invented many of the key facts in his best-selling autobiography? Whether his book was full of lies or truth, whether he got caught or got off scot-free, whether Oprah supported him or (as happened) she had him back on her show just so she could spend a whole hour telling him what an a*****e he is...he still gets to keep all the dough he made off of the second-best-selling book of 2005. [455 words in article.]

Finally, A Good Reason To Get Up Early

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 23:56:12 -0500

I guess somehow, I just sensed that the Oscar nominations were coming up. My eyes fluttered open at 8 AM and sometime during the thirty-second window before I'd go back to sleep for another hour or two the penny dropped and I was activating the autotelevideo console for the 8:45 live presentation of the list of nominees. [671 words in article.]

I Do and I Do and I DO for you kids...

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 23:56:44 -0500

Last week I had one of those low-grade sniffles that turned into one day of bona-fide Sick In Bed followed by another couple of days of sniffles. A very polite illness, all told. Announces its intentions and gives you 48 hours to get your affairs in order. Didn't enjoy the sniffling much, of course, but I thought that was an acceptable burden, in the spirit of Compromise. [408 words in article.]

Sometimes There's This Guy, And You Gotta Go Straighten Him Out, Right?

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 11:58:43 -0500

I was walking through Boston Common about an hour after sunset, taking pictures, when I had one of those "Oooo! That'll make for a nice shot!" moments. I walked hurriedly to get to a new position. While I did indeed note the presence of fallen tree branch on the sidewalk, I failed to notice a pencil-thin twig sticking straight up out of it. [681 words in article.]

My name is COY-o-tay. Wile E COY-o-tay.

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 22:50:53 -0500

Go ahead...call me a Genius. I deserve it: [880 words in article.]

The Marryin' Man Part 3: "I Feel Pretty"

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 23:04:46 -0500

Historically, Thursday is the day of Macworld Expo when things go seriously wobbly. [4369 words in article.]

The Oprah-Line Is Open

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 23:51:09 -0500

Lots of email from people anticipating upcoming chapters of "The Marrying Man," and also asking for a copy of the wedding service I wrote. Both are forthcoming, I assure y'all. The words you are now reading are in the frontmost window of BBEdit; Chapter Three is in the window right behind it and as of ten minutes ago, it has me in my hotel room getting dressed for the service. [1166 words in article.]

TV, G5, and Pancakes

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 17:22:10 -0500

It's early afternoon and I'm back home, after one of those "We do more by 2 PM than most Andy Ihnatko's do by 4 in the next morning" days. I was up at the crack of 7:34 so I could be at a TV studio by 8:15 and do something for the morning newscast. My hope was to shine a beacon of Light, Truth, Knowledge and Understanding over a populace thirsty for all four commodities. My promise was that I wasn't going to drop the F-bomb. Not more than twice. Maybe three times. No, no: it's all about professionalism and discipline: twice, tops. [1245 words in article.]

This Time, For Sure (Or Perhaps Not)

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 21:36:30 -0500

Okey-dokey. The previous test had a problem that I couldn't figure out and it was one of those things in which I was able to play the Arrogance Card. "I know how this standard file handler works," I insisted. "If it's screwing up the way it seems to be screwing up, then the code can't possibly be at fault." [117 words in article.]

Watson, come here!

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 20:59:52 -0500

Okay. Let's see if I've done Something Productive vis a vis fixing up my blogging code. [20 words in article.]

The Marrying Man (Part 2)

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 21:17:50 -0500

I've got a whole gaggle of older sisters, all of whom have gotten married. Which was all well and good for them, naturally. But it's impossible to wage a family wedding without inflicting some collateral damage and thus I had to attend each and every one of them from start to finish. Such is my love for my siblings that when orders came down from that I was to actually participate to some extent, I forged right ahead, pausing only briefly to write one last letter home and reflect that this was one of those "never have so few done so much for so many" moments. [3010 words in article]

The Marryin' Man (Part 1)

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 00:05:00 -0500

Okay, #*@% it. I'm leaving for Mexico on February 4. I will post something every day between now and then. And I'm going to lead off with a doozy of a post. [1527 words more...]

Okay, So You DO Read This Blog. I Get It, Now.

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 20:05:00 -0500

When one is as beloved as I... [1031 words more...]

The Apple HoverCar - A little late, but worth the wait..

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 22:50:00 -0500

When I brush my teeth in the morning, I see many things in the mirror. Examples: a two-year-old ticket stub from "The Incredible Hulk," which I saw in Michigan with about a hundred fellow mac geeks; bits of Crest and/or Listerine spittle dating from as recently as last night to as venerable as three weeks ago; the reverse-image of a tub enclosure that I'd like to upgrade. I've no clue as to why the ticket stub is still there, the spittle is there because I'm a dude and can't be arsed to Windex the thing more than once or twice a month, and the tub enclosure is there because of the damnable Domino Effect, by which removing the enclosure means removing the tile which means removing the shower door which means $3000 in Home Despot charges and three months of showering at the Y. [778 words more...]

This Is The Age...of Video Violence

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 23:33:00 -0500

This will probably turn out to be a short post, sensation-seekers. Today was a rare four-column day and I'm a bit commented-out at the moment. But if you came here hoping to read my comments on the new video iPods, head on over to MacObserver.com, which ought to have one or two pieces online by now. [771 words more...]

Sparks Fly Upward

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 21:47:00 -0500

Ach, I'm a victim of technologus interruptus: I won't have a new iPod to play with for another week. And yes, you're right to want to mention this at your next church group meeting, and find out if you can't get some sort of canned food drive going to show your support for me in this, my time of hardship. [844 words more...]

My bad.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 21:05:00 -0500

Hmm. Okay, admittedly, there was a bit of a hiccup in my self-imposed "Seven Days Of Blog" mandate, in so much as I didn't actually post anything on Day Five of the thing. If I do two postings today and ultimately claim that I did indeed achieve an average of One Post Per Day Throughout The Week, that'd be wimping out. Absolutely. And on a brighter, sunnier day I would stamp my feet and restart the clock at Day One. [671 words more...]

Shuffle Up and Peel

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 23:29:00 -0500

Incidentally, if you've enjoyed my past work, you can look forward to my upcoming regular poker column, which will be accompanied by a book of the same title in six months' time. No, I haven't signed any such deal; I have not been approached by any interested party from any of poker's many online, broadcast, or print communities; and my personal knowledge of poker begins and ends with the conviction that if one of the girls at the table asks "Do shoes count as an article of clothing?" the answer is "No," and if they make a successful semantic argument, you have the right to insist that they count as one item, and not two. [351 words more...]

If an iPod has no video, does it still rock?

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 12:30:00 EDT

My new iPod arrived about a half an hour ago, and the very first thing I've learned about it is that apparently, you can't simply drag a 1.4-gigabyte near-DVD-quality Quicktime of "The Lord of the Rings: The Return Of The King" onto its icon and expect iTunes to say "Yes, sir! My feet are like wings, sir!" What you can do is bring your troubles to QuickTime Pro. Pro will sigh, roll its eyes, agree with you that iTunes is sort of a d!@% about these things, and then it'll diligently convert the movie file to some specs that your new iPod will be happy with. [950 words more...]

How do you say 'How's it going, man?' in British?

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 18:20:00 -0000

Well, now this is really starting to get me all steamed: I'm here in London, this is my third visit, and yet I stillhaven't seen any dancing chimneysweep. Not. A. One. [909 words more...]

At Liberty

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 06:05:00 -0000

Well, the Lord giveth and the TV taketh away. I overcame the debilitating one-two impact of a six-hour redeye flight and jet-lag by sleeping from about 10 AM to 5 PM on Wednesday, but then I obliterated all of that fine progress by staying up until 5 AM watching the World Series. So suffice to say that by the time I set up my PowerBook at the podium and gave the first of my three Mac Expo UK talks, my CPU was somewhat underclocked. [931 words more...]

Have you tried this "sitting down" thing yet? It's fabulous!

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 01:48:00 -0000

Home again. Though when I say "Home," I of course mean the Hilton, not my house, and although this statement implies that I've just gotten back in, in truth I've had a three-hour nap and watched "Halloween: H20" on ITV in its entirety. [2277 words more...]

The Revolution will NOT go un-cameraphoned!

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 03:56:00 -0000

It was a state of affairs that would be familiar to any alky or junkie. This morning, I started to wake up and I managed to regain enough of my wits early enough in the process to realize how important it was that I keep my eyes tightly shut as long as possible. I didn't what sort of situation I was going to be waking into, precisely. But I had a good enough sense of the broad details to predict that as soon as I fully took stock of the world that I was about to awaken into, I would have to probationally score this day in the Loss column. [1450 words more...]

Never read a Nicholas Cage interview first thing in the morning.

Wed, 1 Nov 2005 10:14:00 -0000

Well, this just frosts my cornflakes. Observe this excerpt from Roger Ebert's recent interview with Nicholas Cage: [760 words more...]