A common question in my Inbox is "So why haven't you been posting?" followed by "Will you start posting again soon?" and then "Wish you lady love l@nger, more?"

I have no answer to the last one. As to the first two, a certain project — or at least the first part of a certain extended project — has suddenly and at long, long last, wrapped. It was finished at 5:58 PM on Tuesday when I sent off the final file.

I could explain, but for the first time in two months, I am at liberty to do absolutely nothing at all and as you might guess, I'm really quite eager to get going on that. So I'll let the following photo speak for me:

When next you see me, I shall be quite drunk and making sloppy passes at women and, as the margaritas start to pile up, at the occasional parking meter. Cheers!

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Am now more than slightly hooked on "Airline," a documentary reality show on A&E set in various Southwest Airlines terminals across the country. I've only seen three episodes, and I already have The Airline Drinking Game:

Whenever a passenger shows up drunk, you take a drink.

Whenever a passenger expresses confusion and bewilderment that the gate crew won't allow them to board the plane until he or she can produce an actual ticket, you take a drink.

Whenever a passenger insists that he or she has been a loyal Southwest customer for X years and that they deserve special treatment, such as replacing a lost ticket or allowing them to carry glass containers filled with liquid propane on board, you take a drink.

Whenever a belligerent passenger asks to see a Southwest gate agent's supervisor, you take a drink.

Whenever a belligerent passenger pretends to know more about consumer and/or FAA regulations, and/or the mechanical limitations of commercial aircraft than an airline employee, you take a drink.

Whenever a passenger threatens to sue Southwest, you take a drink.

Whenever a passenger turns to the camera and warns all listeners to never, ever, ever fly Southwest, you take a drink. For the purposes of this game, a passenger who turns to the camera and insists that the airline is welcome to avail itself of any opportunity to kiss his or her a** shall be deemed an equivalent demonstration.

Whenever a passenger shows up drunk, is barred from the flight, insists on seeing the agent's supervisor, complains that this is a hell of a way to treat a member of the 100,000 Mile Silver Star Club, threatens to sue Southwest and then storms off, muttering that everyone can just kiss his or her a**...you chug.

You may also chug whenever a middle-aged male passenger appears in the waiting area wearing a miniskirt and no underwear. A&E doesn't actually show you any of his goodies but a swift application of tequila is merely a thoughtful and appropriate response to the unbidden mental image.

(The show's on as I write this. Mr. "No, Ma'am...Thish Thermosh Contains Nothing But Uppen-Sev...Severed Up...Several...I Mean, Shprite" was ejected from his flight. Camera crew followed him as he collected his bag from the overhead, walked off the plane, trudged through the terminal, exited to the parking lot, put his bag in his car, thoughtfully reminded Southwest that they were free to kiss his a** any old time, and then drove off.

I mean, huh? He was too drunk to sit in the last row of an aircraft and spend two hours burping and nodding off...but the camera crew did nothing to keep him from driving? Oh, dear.)

This has been a pretty reality-intensive week, incidentally. There's the addition of this new show to my TiVo list, of course, but I've also successfully convinced a friend of mine to apply to be on the Dallas edition of "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy." I've been to his apartment and I'm so certain that it will cast its spell upon the show's producers that I spent an hour this afternoon pretending I was standing in front of a stark white seamless background, saying things like "The beard! Well, picture John the Baptist about three weeks after the beheading..."

Plus, there's a chance that I'll be running another friend's Presidential campaign in front of a nationally-televised audience. Hmm.

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Works, but with a small hitch. Testing again...

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Hello, folks...I'm demonstrating my blogger apps in front of the friendly and well-groomed folks here at the Macworld Conference in London.

Just so that this post isn't totally boring, I will tell you all that yesterday I was walking from the conference center back to my hotel and discovered a big plaque on a building, informing all who care to stop and read it that the structure was rebuilt in 1917 after being destroyed during a zeppelin attack during the World War.

Does the Air Force have a zeppelin with strategic capability? If not, perhaps we should get one.

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Catch up on the many heroic banalities that I posted last month.

This page and its contents copyright © 2003 Andy Ihnatko.