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Best Actor. I'm confident about Penn but this could go to Depp or Murray. I'd be happy to see any of 'em win. But it's Penn.
Sean Penn is the Robert Mitchum of his generation. There's always a great performance behind him and ahead of him. Which can sometimes affect your thinking when he's nominated for an Oscar; maybe voters think they'll get another chance to give him the award.
Still, I'm disappointed that Bill Murray didn't win. He always does great work but when will there be another chance to give him Best Actor? But I think this pretty much assures that we'll see him win a Best Supporting in the next five years.
Annnnd now it's time for Best Picture. Can't be anything other than "Rings." Spielberg is possibly in the best tuxedo of the night. The right jacket, shirt, and tie. And ten bonus points for not being bullied into falling in with the cravat junta.
"Lord Of The Rings," of course. Aww...all the Hobbits are approaching together. Cute.
Well, the biggest possible disappointment of the evening would have been if the Academy failed, at the final hour, to give "Lord Of The Rings" its due. Now that it's in the can and its initial release is winding to a close, it's time to package this show as a roadhouse production. How many opportunities will we ever have to see nine hours of seamless, big-budget epic moviemaking?
OK. Must attend to various simple matters that have been stacking up since 8:30. So the final tally: I went 19 for 24, which is better than most years but short of my best outing (22 for 24). Of the five I missed, only the Best Adapted Screenplay category stings. Had I thought about it longer, I probably would have looked through all my other picks and made it a clean sweep for LotR.
But I don't blame myself. Again, I blame Jack Valenti. Even for the fact that I'm out of clean towels and will have to run the machine tonight if I'm going to shower tomorrow morning. The man's an idiot and you can hardly go wrong by assuming the very worst.
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I still think Ash Wednesday is pretty cool. The priest makes the sign of the cross on your forehead, reminds you that Man arose from ashes and to ashes he shall one day return, and sends you on your way. If you go to Mass in the morning or during your lunch break, you wind up wearing 'em for the rest of the day.
First off, I'm a big fan of solid, 800-year-old-symbolism. The ashes are made by burning palm fronds from the previous year's Palm Sunday and getting 'em blessed by someone with the proper credentials. It's a traditional sign of penance and it's also meant to say to the whole world "When the ballgame's all over, I belong to God." Yes, as a tattoo, that'd be kind of creepy. No, I take that back: it'd be full-on creepy. If one of my employees turned up for work some morning with that slogan permanently emblazoned on their forehead, I'd have to take him or her off the front cash register and put them in the back office somewhere.
(Though perhaps I should be completely honest with myself and admit that I'm probably just prejudiced against forehead tattoos in general. Your face acts as other people's user-interface to your entire feature set. Tattooing it up is like having a slick new iMac and using it exclusively to run Windows98 via VirtualPC.)
(I am willing to make exceptions for elderly women who got swept along in that whole "electrolysize your eyebrows off" fad of the Fifties and Sixties, and needed to have replacement parts installed using the best technology available to them. I ask you, should these sweet-hearted ladies spend the rest of their lives paying for one youthful mistake?)
But as a smudge of ash which comes off during your next session with the Neutragina bar and whose message is only clear to non-Catholics after a quick Google search, this is a real winner.
The Coolness of Ash Wednesday hit me when I watched the episode of "American Idol" I TiVo'ed tonight. Every time they cut to the audience, you'd see a couple of smudged crosses. Clearly, this was shot last Wednesday. And I remember plenty of Ash Wednesdays in which Letterman or Katie or Conan interviewed your basic young movie-star-of-the-moment, who surely sent his or her press agent into apoplexy by insisting that no, he certainly would not be washing off the ashes until the end of the day.
I was raised Catholic but it's probably accurate to say that at this point it's little more than a hobby. Still, I like Ash Wednesday. I'd like it even if I wasn't baptized in the faith, just as I'm a big fan of certain Jewish customs. (Like leaving a stone atop a grave when you visit. It says "someone was here" without making a big show of it.)
Probably what makes Ash Wednesday so significant is that while it marks the first day of Lent, Catholics aren't obligated to attend Mass that day. If you don't show up on Easter Sunday, for instance, you won't lose your parking space or anything but the old women in your parish's Ladies Club will tell the old women in your Mom's parish's Ladies Club and it'll be a big mess. But Ash Wednesday is completely up to you. All those people in the American Idol audience (actually, maybe two) were given a free choice and ultimately they decided that they were serious enough about their faith to look a little foolish for the rest of the day.
There's something honorable and admirable about that sentiment, whether you express it as a Catholic, a Protestant, Jew, Buddhist, or even as an atheist.
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Two-hour phone conversation tonight with Stanislau, a Double Platinum Diamond Rewards cardholder in the Close Personal Friends Of Andy Ihnatko organization. We were having one of those intense, drawn-out, ego-driven and hugely satisfying arguments that can only take place between two good friends over the phone or by two total strangers via an Internet message forum.
It was great stuff and I was glad that I'd given both the phone and my Bluetooth headset a full charge before ringing him up. But Stan had begun to obsess over trivial side-details instead of focusing on the grand themes of our discussion. Great acres of highly fertile land remained to be plowed and yet there he was, ordering all of the farmhands to dismount from their towering John Deeres and walk the furrows, checking to make sure that they were all of a uniform depth.
I gently tried to steer him back. "I've got two words for you," I said. "'Anal Retentive'."
"Anal-retentive is a single, hyphenated word, not two," he snapped back.
And then the ref jumped in between us and ordered me to a neutral corner. He gave Stanislau a standing eight count and then he stopped the fight.
I mention this just to illustrate one of the many benefits of Double Platinum Diamond Rewards-level CPFoAI membership. If Stanislau had renewed as a mere Platinum Prestige-level member, I'd have used his real name. And if he'd opted to join the exclusive Commodore's Circle, I wouldn't have even told the story to begin with.
Aren't such exclusive additional benefits worth the equivalent cost of just one cup of coffee or a single set of custom mag wheels per month? Stev...I mean, Stanislau would agree. Membership upgrades are available on an annual, semi-annual, or quarterly basis. And remember! If you upgrade before April 1, you'll receive a very special "thank you" gift: your own personal copy of the hit PBS special "Broadway's Lost Treasures," which I burned onto VideoCD after I broke the copy protection on the DVD I rented from Blockbuster.
| | Once again, I'm poised to kick butt in my office Iditarod pool: my man Martin Buser is first out of the Nikolai checkpoint. Of course, the race has barely even begun (Nikolai is about 300 miles into the 1100-mile trail) but given that he's driving a proven and confident team, and that once again I'm the only person taking part in the big office Iditarod pool, I'm fairly confident that I'll be taking home the HoneyBaked® Ham this year.
He's dropped two dogs so far. Not unusual. Most mushers start with the maximum-allowed team of 16 dogs but settle down to 12 to 14 for the main haul beyond Rainy Pass. So dropping three or four dogs means gaining the time you'd spend at each checkpoint feeding and caring for them. You also lighten the sled, because you no longer have to carry those dogs' extra gear and trail snacks. So dropping a few dogs early on is just routine.
(Note for Iditarod newbies: dogs can only be "dropped" at race checkpoints. They're flown back to the race start, where they're kenneled until the musher or his or her representative collects them. I was rather amused by a certain animal-rights site's description. They didn't actually say "Dogs are cut from their harnesses in the middle of the wilderness and left to fend for themselves," but clearly if you drew that conclusion that was just fine by them.)
| | Just testing something, folks...nothing to see...
| | Still busy. Only now I'm even more still busy because the deadline for the first component of Project X is a week from Friday and this is my last chance to obsess over it. If God is in the mood for a really good laugh, He'll make sure that this is the week when the boys from Publisher's Clearinghouse swing by the house to give me an oversized novelty cheque on live national television. Because I've sort of had to put good grooming on the back burner for the past week and while I've certainly maintained my commitment to the fundamentals of personal hygiene, in terms presentability I'm now somewhere between James Brown's mugshot and Nick Nolte's.
I did finish The Big Rip, though. So in lieu of long, overwrought and overwritten blog posts, here's an inventory of the five cartons of CDs I hauled back into storage over the weekend:
1 (The Beatles) 12 Greatest Hits (Patsy Cline) 161 Monroe Millennium Collection (Bill Monroe) 1712 Overture and Other Musical Assaults (P.D.Q. Bach (Peter Schikele)) 1776 (New Broadway Cast) 1989 - The Winners (Disk 2) (Schumann) 1989 - The Winners (Van Cliburn International Piano Competition) 20 All Time Greatest Hits! (James Brown) 20 Great Years (Kenny Rogers) 25 (Harry Connick, Jr.) 25 Thousand Days (Boomers) A Boy Named Charlie Brown (Vince Guaraldi Trio) A Charlie Brown Christmas (Vince Guaraldi Trio) A Christmas Gift For You from Phil Spector (Darlene Love) A Gilbert & Sullivan Gallery (The Yeoman of the Guard) A Hard Day's Night (The Beatles) A Musical Offering (Richard Strauss) A Very Special Christmas (The Pointer Sisters) A Very Special Christmas 2 (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers) Abbey Road (The Beatles) Achtung Baby (U2) Acoustic (Disc 1) (Badly Drawn Boy) Acoustic (Disc 2) (Mercury Rev) Add It Up (1981-1993) (Violent Femmes) Aladdin (Narrator) Alapalooza (Weird Al Yankovic) Alexander Nevsky Film Score (Sergei Prokofiev) All The Best (Paul McCartney) All You Can Eat (k.d. lang) Alone in IZ world (Israel Kamakawiwo'ole) Always Drink Upstream From The Herd (Riders In The Sky) Amadeus (Disc 2) (Sir Neville Marriner & Academy Of St. Martin In The Fields) Amadeus Original Soundtrack Vol 2. (Academy Of St. Martin-In-The-Fields) Amadeus: Original Soundtrack Recording (Neville Marriner, Academy Of St. Martin-In-The-Fields) American Caesar (Iggy Pop) American IV: The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) American Recordings (Johnny Cash) An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer (Tom Lehrer) An Hysteric Return - P.D.Q. Bach At Carnegie Hall (P.D.Q. Bach) Andy Ihnatko's Weekly Writeoff Show 007 (Andy Ihnatko) Anthology 1 (Disc 1) (The Beatles) Anthology 1 (Disc 2) (The Beatles) Anthology 2 (Disc 1) (The Beatles) Anthology 2 (Disc 2) (The Beatles) Anthology 3 (Disc 1) (The Beatles) Anthology 3 (Disc 2) (The Beatles) Apollo 18 (They Might Be Giants) Archaeology (The Rutles) Aria - Original Soundtrack Recording (Verrett, Grist, Bergonzi, Price, Merrill) Arizona Bay (Bill Hicks) Arizona Bay (Bill Hicks) Art Of The Theremin (Clara Rockmore) At Folsom Prison (Johnny Cash) At Last, For You (Soulcracker) At Last, On Time (Weepin07Willie) Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (Madonna) Automatic For The People (R.E.M.) BBC Sessions (The Who) Babalu Music! (Desi Arnaz) Babylon 5 (Christopher Franke) Babylon 5 Volume 2: Messages from Earth (Christopher Franke) Babylon 5: Into the Fire (A Human Strategy) Babylon 5: Sleeping in Light (Christopher Franke) Bach: Italian Concerto, French Ouverture, etc. (Davitt Moroney, Harpsichord) Bach: Toccata & Fuge (Johann Sebastian Bach) Bad Hair Day (Weird Al Yankovic) Baroque Recorder Concerti (Concerto in C major, RV 444, P.78) Batman (Danny Elfman) Batman (Prince) Batman Returns (Danny Elfman) Battle Of The Bands (Mccoys) Beatles For Sale (The Beatles) Beatles On Panpipes (The Beatles) Beauty and the Beast (Alan Menken) Beethoven Symphony Muti 4 (6) (Ludwig van Beethoven) Beethoven Triple Concerto, Choral Fantasy (Itzhak Perlman, Yo-Yo Ma, Daniel Barenboim, Berliner Philharmoniker) Beethoven: Overtures (Sir Colin Davis, conductor with the Symphonie-Orchester Des Bayerischen Rundfunks) Beethoven: Piano Concertos N02 1 & 2 (Claudio arrau (Piano) Colin Davis (Director)) Beethoven: Sonata No. 4 And Variations (Piano & Cello) (Yo-Yo Ma and Emmanual Ax) Being There (Wilco) Benny Goodman (Benny Goodman) Best Of The Big Bands (Benny Goodman With Helen Forrest) Best Of The Big Bands (Benny Goodman) Best Of The Doors (Disc 1) (The Doors) Best Of The Doors (Disc 2) (The Doors) Best Of Van Morrison (Van Morrison) Beth Boucher (Beth Boucher) Bill Monoe & The Bluegrass Boys: The Early Years () Blah-Blah-Blah (Iggy Pop) Blonde On Blonde (Bob Dylan) Blood Sugar Sex Magik (Red Hot Chili Peppers) Blues Traveler (Blues Traveler) Bobby Short And His Orch. Celebrating 30 Years At Cafe Carlyle (Bobby Short) Body And Soul (Joe Jackson) Boys For Pele (Tori Amos) Brahms Sextets Opp. 18 & 36 (Disc 1) (I Allegro Ma Non Troppo) Brahms Sextets Opp. 18 & 36 Stern . Lin . Laredo . Tree . Ma . Robinson (Disc 2) (I Allegro Non Troppo) Brahms: Trios, Opp. 8 & 87 - The Mirecourt Trio (Johannes Brahms) Brandenburg Concertos (1996) (Disc 2 of 2) BWV 1049 - 1050 - 1051 - Lincoln Center (Johann Sebastian Bach) Brandenburg Concertos (1996) - BWV 1046 - 1047- 1048 - Cham. Music Society of Lincoln Center (Allegro) Break Like The Wind (Spinal Tap) Brick By Brick (Iggy Pop) Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel) Briefcase Full Of Blues (The Blues Brothers) Bugs Bunny On Broadway (Warner Bros. Symphony Orchestra, George Daugherty) By Jeeves, American Premier Recording (Bertie & Jeeves) CBS Masterworks Digital Sampler (2004) (Winton Marsalis, National Philharmonic) Cabaret - Original Soundtrack (Liza And Joel) Capitol Collectors Series (Jo Stafford) Captain Swing (Michelle Shocked) Carmen - Highlights (Georges Pretre - Opera de Paris) Carmina Burana (Carl Orff) Catholic Boy (The Jim Carroll Band) Changesbowie (David Bowie) Charlie Brown's Holiday Hits (Vince Guaraldi Trio) Chopin Piano Favorites (Various Artists) Christmas In The Stars (Meco) Christmas Island (Leon Redbone) Christmas With The Rat Pack (Dean Martin) Classic Gold (Disc 1) (George Carlin) Classic Gold (Disc 2) (George Carlin) Clerks (Dialogue) Cocktails For Two (Spike Jones) Collector's Series (Louis Prima) Collectors Series (Jerry Lewis) Come Fly With Me (Frank Sinatra) Comedy Minus One (Albert Brooks) Communicate (Sasha & John Digweed) Concert By The Sea (Erroll Garner) Copland: Fanfare, El Salon Mexico... (Zubin Mehta) Cosmic Thing (The B-52's) Creedence Clearwater Revival (P) 1986 (Creedence Clearwater Revival) Crumb Original Soundtrack (David Boeddinghaus & Craig Ventresco) Cymbalennium (Michael Masley) Cymbalennium (Michael Masley) Damn Yankees (Shannon Bolin, Robert Shafer, Baseball Fans, Baseball Widows) Dangerous (Bill Hicks) Daphnis Et Chloe, La Valse (Berlin Philharmonic) Dark Side Of The Moon (Pink Floyd) Dido and Aeneas (Henry Purcell) Dixieland Favorites (Firehouse Five Plus Two) Do it Acapella (True Image) Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers (The Firesign Theatre) Drag (k.d. lang) Eastwood After Hours Live At Carnegie Hall (The Carnegie Hall Jazz Band) Electric Barnyard (The Kentucky Headhunters) Elevation (Yonder Mountain String Band) Encomium: A Tribute To Led Zeppelin (4 Non Blondes) Encore (Elaine Paige) Enigma Variations, Pomp & Circumstance, Cockaigne (In London Town) (Edward Elgar) Everybody Digs Bill Evans (Bill Evans) Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We? (The Cranberries) Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Classical Music (But were afraid to ask!) (Johann Pachelbel) Falling Into You (Celine Dion) Favourite Beethoven (Disc 1) (1. Adagio sostenuto) Favourite Beethoven 61 Ashkenazy (Ludwig van Beethoven) Fiddler on the Roof (Broadway Cast) Fingerprints (Larry Carlton) First Generation - 25 Years of Virgin Records (Disc 2) (Lenny Kravitz) First Generation - Disk One - Twenty Five Years Of Virgin Records / First Generation (Mike Oldfield) Five Guys Named Moe (Various Artists) Flathead 5: Corner Of My Heart (Ned Landin) Flathead 6: The Demos (Ned Landin) Flood (They Might Be Giants) Flowers in the Dirt (Paul McCartney) Flute Concertos 1 & 2. Flute & Harp Concerto (Allegro maestoso) Foo Fighters (Foo Fighters) Forty Years: The Artistry Of (Disc 1) (Bennett) Forty Years: The Artistry Of (Disc 2) (Tony Bennett) Forty Years: The Artistry Of (Disc 4) (Tony Bennett) Forty Years:The Artistry Of (Disc 3) (Tony Bennett) Four (Blues Traveler) Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables (Dead Kennedys) Fresh fruit for rotting vegetables (Disc 2) (Dead Kennedys) From The Cradle (Eric Clapton) From The Earth To The Moon (Michael Kamen) Gag Me With A Spoon (Marques Bovre & The Evil Twins) Genius: The Best of Warren Zevon (Warren Zevon) George And Ira Gershwin In Hollywood (Disc 2) (George And Ira Gershwin) George And Ira Gershwin In Hollywood (Warner Bros. Studio Orchestra) Gershwin Plays Gershwin: The Piano Rolls (George Gershwin) Gilbert & Sullivan: H.M.S. Pinafore (Disc 2) (Gilbert & SullivanD'Oyly Carte Opera Company) Gilbert & Sullivan: The Mikado - Mackerras - Welsh National Opera (Gilbert & Sullivan) Give The People What They Want (The Kinks) Go Simpsonic With The Simpsons (The Simpsons) God (Johnny Cash) Goldfly (Guster) Gordon (Barenaked Ladies) Greatest Hits (Blood, Sweat & Tears) Greatest Hits (Hector Berlioz) Greatest Hits (Queen) Grieg: Peer Gynt; Piano Concerto in A minor, Op. 16 (Budapest Philharmonic Orchestra) Guitar Slinger (The Brian Setzer Orchestra) Guys and Dolls (Broadway Cast) Gypsy (2003 Broadway Revival Cast) (Orchestra) H.M.S. Pinafore (Gilbert & SullivanD'Oyly Carte Opera Company) Happy Anniversary, Charlie Brown! (David Benoit) Harmony Ranch (Riders In The Sky) Have You Seen Me Lately? (Sam Kinison) Head (Original Motion Picture Sound Track) (The Monkees) Heartland: An Appalachian Anthology (Joshua Bell, Edgar Meyer, Sam Bush, Mike Marshall,) Heathen (David Bowie) High Definition (Shootyz Groove) High Fidelity (The Thirteenth Floor Elevators) Highlights Of Classical Music: Sabre Dance (Hungarian State Orchestra) Hook (John Williams) Horowitz in London (Vladimir Horowitz) How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying (Broadway Plays) Hunky Dory (David Bowie) Hype! Surviving The Northwest Rock Explosion (Fastbacks) I'm With Stupid (Aimee Mann) Il Barbiere Di Siviglia (highlights) (Gioachino Rossini) Il Trovatore - Scenes and Arias (Giuseppe Verdi) Imagine (John Lennon) In Step (Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble) In Tribute (Diane Schuur) In Utero (Nirvana) Indigos (Duke Ellington) Invincible Summer (Lang, K.D.) Invisible Touch (Genesis) Iolanthe (D'oyly Carte Opera Company, John Pryce-Jones) It's A Shame About Ray (The Lemonheads) Itzhak Perlman: Greatest Hits (Itzhak Perlman/NY Philharmonic, Zubin Mehta) Jackie Brown (Bobby Womack) Janis (Disc 1) (Janis Joplin) Janis (Disc 2) (Big Brother & The Holding Company, Janis Joplin) Janis (Disc 3) (Janis Joplin) Jazz 'Round Midnight (Bill Evans) Jazz At Oberlin (Dave Brubeck) Jazz Sampler, Vol. 1 (Miles Davis) Jesus Christ Superstar (Disc 1) (Andrew Lloyd Webber) Jesus Christ Superstar (Disc 2) (Andrew Lloyd Webber) Jesus Christ Superstar (Highlights 20th Anniversary) (Revival London Cast) Joe Cocker (Joe Cocker) Join Together (Disc 1) (The Who) Join Together (Disc 1) (The Who) Join Together (Disc 2) (The Who) Join Together (Disc 2) (The Who) Joy Ride (Bob James) Just Can't Get Enough: New Wave Hits of the '80s Vol. 9 (Duran Duran) Ken Burns Jazz (Benny Goodman) King Of Hearts (Roy Orbison) Kyoko Takezawa (Kyoko Takezawa,London Symphony orchestra,Michael Tilson Thomas) L'Arlesienne / Carmen (Suite No. 1 - Ouverture) La Divina (Un Bel D, Vedremo (1954)) Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (Spiritualized03) Le Sacre Du Printemps, Etc. (The Rite Of Spring, And More) (Igor Stravinsky) Learn To Croon (Frank Sinatra & Tommy Dorsey and His Orch) Led Zeppelin Remasters (Disc 1) (Led Zeppelin) Led Zeppelin Remasters (Disc 2) (Led Zeppelin) Led Zeppelin Remasters (Disc 3) (Led Zeppelin) Les Paul Trio (Les Paul) Let 'Em Eat Cake (McGovern, Maureen; Larry Kert; Jack Gilford; Orchestra of St. Lukes; Michael Tilson Thomas, cond.) Let's Get Small (Steve Martin) Lilo And Stitch (Mark Keali'i Ho'omalu and Kamehameha Schools Children's Chorus) Linus & Lucy: The Music Of Vince Guaraldi (George Winston) Little Earthquakes (Tori Amos) Little Me (Cy Coleman And Carolyn Leigh) Live At Carnegie Hall (Eastwood After Hours (Disc 1)) Live At Royal Albert Hall (Spiritualized) Live In Cook County Jail (B.B. King) Live In Italy (Giulio Caccini) Live On Letterman: Music From The Late Show (Jerry Garcia & David Grisman) Lodger (David Bowie) London Blues 1964-1969 (Disc 1) (John Mayall) London Blues 1964-1969 (Disc 2) (John Mayall) London Calling (The Clash) Look Into The Eyeball (David Byrne) Look Sharp! (Joe Jackson) Lost And Gone Forever (Guster) Love (Johnny Cash) LoveLaughterAndTruth (Bill Hicks) Loving You (Paige O'hara Sings Jerry Herman) Magical Mystery Tour (The Beatles) Magnolia (Aimee Mann) Mahler Symphony No. 1 (Seiji Ozawa, Boston Symphony Orchestra) Mahler: Symphony No. 4 (Barbara Hendricks, Los Angeles Philharmonic, Esa-Pekka Salonen) Masters Of Classical Music, Vol. 7 (Vivaldi) Maxiplay - Go For The Gold (Various Artists) Meat is Murder (The Smiths) Metallica (Metallica) Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (k.d. lang) Midori - Live at Carnegie Hall (Midori & McDonald, Robert) Mighty Like A Rose (Elvis Costello) Miraculous Mandarin, Op. 19 (Sz73) And Concerto For Orchestra (Allegro) Mountain Tracks: Vol. 1 9/29-30/00 (Yonder Mountain String Band) Mozart - Kr02nungsmesse/Haydn - Paukenmesse (Kr02nungsmesse - Kyrie) Mozart : Piano Concertos 20 & 23 (Allegro) Murder (Johnny Cash) Music For A Darkened Theatre (Danny Elfman) Music for an Awful Lot of Winds & Percussion (P.D.Q. Bach) Musik der Gotik: The Early Music Consort of London/Munrow (David Munrow) My Aim is True (Elvis Costello) My Aim is True (bonus disc) (Elvis Costello) My Ride's Here (Warren Zevon) National Lampoon Lost Tapes V2 (Various Artists) Never Mind The Bollocks (Sex Pistols) Nevermind (Nirvana) Nevermind (Nirvana) New York Philharmonic (New York Philharmonic) Night And Day (Joe Jackson) Night Train (Oscar Peterson Trio) No Alternative (Matthew Sweet) No One Cares (Frank Sinatra) Northern Exposure: Music From The Television Series (David Schwartz) O Brother, Where Art Thou? (James Carter & The Prisoners) Oedipus Tex & Other Choral Calamities (P.D.Q. Bach) Of Thee I Sing (McGovern, Maureen; Larry Kert; Jack Gilford; Orchestra of St. Lukes; Michael Tilson Thomas, cond.) Off The Deep End (Weird Al Yankovic) Oh, Good Grief! (Vince Guaraldi) Only the Lonely (Frank Sinatra) Open Up And Bleed (Iggy & The Stooges) Operators Manual Buzzcocks Best (The Buzzcocks) Orchestra of the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. Royal Opera Chorus. Sir Edward Downes / The Puccini Experience (Orchestra of the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. Roya) Original Musiquarium 1 (Disc 1) (Stevie Wonder) Original Musiquarium 1 (Disc 2) (Stevie Wonder) Our Favorite Things (Tony Bennett) Outlandos d'Amour (The Police) P.D.Q. Bach On The Air (Peter Schickele) Paganini's 24 Caprices (Eliot Fisk) Pagliacci (Ricardo Muti, Philadelphia O.) Painted From Memory (Elvis Costello With Burt Bacharach) Painting The Corners: The Best Of Fastball (Fastball) Parachute (Guster) Passions And Achievments 1977 - 1996 The Films Of Ron Howard (Main Theme) Past Masters, Volume 1 (The Beatles) Paul Is Live (Paul McCartney) Pavarotti in Concert (Luciano Pavarotti) Perfectly Frank (Tony Bennett) Peter And The Wolf-Carnival of the Animals Part Two (Weird Al Yankovic / Wendy Carlos) Piano Concerto No. 1 & Violin Concerto (Jen02 Jando, Emmy Verhey) Piano Concertos (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart) Piano Concertos Nos 21 & 22 (Allegro Maestoso) Piano Player (Bill Evans) Piano Sonatas 1, 22, 23 - Complete Piano Sonatas (Bernard Roberts) CD 1/11 (Ludwig van Beethoven) Piano concerto no. 1 - Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini (Sergei Rachmaninov) Pirates of Penzance 1968 (Disc 2) (D'Oyly Carte Opera Company) Pocket Full of Kryptonite (Spin Doctors) Pops By George (Boston Pops) Pops Plays Puccini (O mio babbino caro) Precious Friend (Arlo Guthrie & Pete Seeger) Precious Friend (Disc 2) (Arlo Guthrie & Pete Seeger) Princess Mononoke (j) Prludes Book I, Images Book I, Estampes (1- Danseuses de Delphes) Psychedelic Jungle/Greatest Hits (Cramps) Pump (Aerosmith) Pure Phase (Spiritualized) Quadrophenia (Disc 1) (The Who) Quadrophenia (Disc 2) (The Who) RCA Victor - The First Name in Classical Music (Sampler) (Luciano Pavarotti) Rachmaninoff: Piano Concertos Nos. 2 & 3 (Bronfman, Yefim) Rachmaninov - Vespers (Kings College Cambridge, Cleobury) Raiders Of The Lost Ark (John Williams) Rant In E-Minor (Bill Hicks) Rca Victor Red Seal Sampler (Saint Louis Symphony Orchestra - Leonard Slatkin, Conductor) Real Love (The Beatles) Red Hot + Blue: A Tribute To Cole Porter (Neneh Cherry) Relentless (Bill Hicks) Repo Man: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Iggy Pop) Requiem (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart) Requiem - Sir Neville Marriner. Sylvia McNair, Thomas Allen. Academy of St Martin in the Fields (Sir Neville Marriner & Academy Of St. Martin In The Fields) Requiem In Do Menore (Philharmonia Orchestra London - Riccardo Muti) Revolver (The Beatles) Riot Act (Pearl Jam) Rock Steady (No Doubt) Roll On (The Living End) Rossini Recital (Cecilia Bartoli) Royal Albert Hall October 10 1997 (Disc 2) (Spiritualized) Royal Albert Hall October 10 1997 (Spiritualized) Royal Albert Hall October 10 1997 Live (Spiritualized) Rudolph (Various Artists) Runaway Boys: A Retrospective '81-'92 (Stray Cats) Running With Scissors (Weird Al Yankovic) Rutles Highway Revisited - A Tribute To The Rutles (Galaxie 500) SLC Punk (Suicide Machines) Saint Saens - Danse Macabre (Royal Philharmonic/Dutoit) Sand In The Vaseline (Disc 1) (Talking Heads) Sand In The Vaseline (Disc 2) (Talking Heads) Save His Soul (Blues Traveler) Schickele: String Quartet/Quintet (The Audubon Quartet Peter Schickele, piano) Schindler's List (John Williams & Itzhak Perlman) Schroeder's Greatest Hits (Ludwig van Beethoven) Second Stage - The Symphonic Sound Stage, Vol.2 (Various Artists) Selections From Fantasia And Other Disney Musical Classics (Various Artists) Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (The Beatles) Shake It Up (Boney James/Rick Braun) Shape Of Things To Come (Melissa Morris) She's So Unusual (Cyndi Lauper) Show Boat Cast Recording (Jerome Kern & Oscar Hammerstein) Shut Up And Dance (The Dance Mixes) (Paula Abdul) Simply Mad About The Mouse (Simply Mad) Sinatra At The Sands (Frank Sinatra) Sinatra: Soundtrack To The CBS Mini-Series (Disc 1) (Bing Crosby) Sinatra: Soundtrack To The CBS Mini-Series (Disc 2) (Billie Holiday) Singing in the Saddle (Disc 1) Cattle Call: Early Cowboy Music & Its Roots (Carl T. Sprague) Smells Like Bleach: A Punk Tribute To Nirvana (Vibrators) Sonatas for Violin & Piano (Anne Akiko Meyers) Songs From The West Coast (Elton John) Songs In A Minor (Alicia Keys) Songs In The Key Of Springfield (The Simpsons) Soup's On Fire (Jana Herzen) Spinal Tap (Spinal Tap) Spotlight On Great Gentlemen Of Song - Mel Torme (Mel Torme) Stairways To Heaven (Stairways To Heaven) Stan Freberg - Capitol Collector's Series (Stan Freberg and others) Stan Freberg Presents The United States Of America (Stan Freberg) Stan Freberg Presents The United States Of America, Volume 2- The Middle Years (Stan Freberg) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (Leonard Rosenman) Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (London Symphony Orchestra) Star Wars Trilogy (Disc 3) (John Williams) Star Wars Trilogy (Disc 4) (John Williams) Star Wars Trilogy (John Williams) Star Wars Trilogy: The Original Soundtrack Anthology (Disc 1) (John Willaims) Star Wars Trilogy: The Original Soundtrack Anthology (Disc 2) (Alfred Newman) Steal This (Disc 2) (Dweezil Zappa) Steal This Disc (Josh White, Jr. & Robin Batteau) Steppin' Out (Tony Bennett) Steppin' Out: Astaire Sings (Fred Astaire) Stop Making Sense (Talking Heads) Storytellers [Live] (Willie Nelson & Johnny Cash) Strictly Commercial (Frank Zappa) Stunt (Barenaked Ladies) Sunday At The Village Vanguard (Bill Evans) Super Jazz I (Al Hirt & Pete Fountain) Surfacing (Sarah McLachlan) Surfing With The Alien (Joe Satriani) Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street - Highlights (Stephen Sondheim) Swing, Swing, Swing (John Williams & The Boston Pops Orchestra) Switched On Beatles (Tom Chase And Steve Rucker) Switched-On Bach 2000 (Wendy Carlos) Symphonic Music of the Rolling Stones (London Symphony Orchestra) Symphonie Nr. 3, Op.90 /Muti (Johannes Brahms) Symphony No. 9 "Choral" (I. Allegro ma non troppo, un poco maestoso) T.R.A.S.H. (Tubes Rarities And Smash Hits) (The Tubes) Tears Of Stone (The Chieftains with Brenda Fricker & Arna) Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3: 70's & 80's (Tee Vee Toons) Temple Of Doom (John Williams) Tenacious D (Tenacious D) That's All (Mel Torme) That's Entertainment! (Disc 1) (MGM Studio Orchestra) That's Entertainment! (Disc 2) (Various Artists) That's Entertainment! (Disc 3) (Various Artists) That's Entertainment! (Disc 4) (Jimmy Durante) That's Entertainment! Disc 6 Of 6 - That's More Entertainment! (Various Artists) That's Entertainment: The Ultimate Anthology (The Hollywood Bowl Orchestra) The Abbey Road EP (Spiritualized) The All-Time Greatest Hits Of Roy Orbison (Roy Orbison) The Authorized Greatest Hits (Cheap Trick) The B-52's (The B-52's) The Beatles [White Album] (Disc 1) (The Beatles) The Beatles [White Album] (Disc 2) (The Beatles) The Best Of Elvis Costello And The Attractions (Elvis Costello) The Best Of Hank Williams (Hank Williams) The Best Of James Bond 30th Anniversary Collection (Monty Norman Orchestra) The Best Of Ken Burns Jazz (Louis Armstrong And His Orchestra) The Best Of The Art Of Noise (The Art Of Noise) The Best Of The Velvet Underground (The Velvet Underground) The Best Of Warren Zevon: A Quiet Normal Life (Warren Zevon) The Big Takeover: Punk's Greatest Hits Vol. 1 (The Ramones) The Blues - Volume 3 (Washboard Sam) The Bob Newhart Anthology - 1 (Bob Newhart) The Bob Newhart Anthology - 2 (Bob Newhart) The Brian Setzer Orchestra (The Brian Setzer Orchestra) The Burdens Of Being Upright (Tracy Bonham) The Business (Disc 1) (Madness) The Business (Disc 2) (Madness) The Business (Disc 3) (Madness) The Carl Stalling Project - Music From Warner Bros. Cartoons 1936-1958 (Carl Stalling and the Warner Bros. Studio Orchestra) The Carl Stalling Project: More Music From Warner Bros. Cartoons 1939-1957, Vol. 2 (Carl Stalling and the Warner Bros. Studio Orchestra) The Civil War (The Old Bethpage Brass Band) The Clash [UK] (The Clash) The Collection (Ultravox) The Colour And The Shape (Foo Fighters) The Concert For New York (Disc 2) (Mike Moran) The Concert For New York City (Disc 1) (David Bowie) The Crow (The Cure) The Doors (Jim Morrison) The Early Years (Bill Monroe And The Bluegrass Boys) The Essential Johnny Cash [2002] (Disc 1) (Johnny Cash) The Essential Johnny Cash [2002] (Disc 2) (Johnny Cash) The Firebird; 4 Etudes; L' Oiseau De Feu (Igor Stravinsky) The Godfather Suite (The Milan Philharmonic Orchestra / Carmine Coppola) The Golden Age Of Wireless (Thomas Dolby) The Gordon Jenkins Collection (Gordon Jenkins) The Great Rock 'N' Roll Swindle (Sex Pistols) The Hollywood Sound (Williams, John with London Symphony Orchestra) The Horrible Truth About Burma (Mission Of Burma) The Idiot (Iggy Pop) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 1) (Monty Python) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 2) (Monty Python) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 3) (Monty Python) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 4) (Monty Python) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 5) (Monty Python) The Instant Monty Python CD Collection (Disc 6) (Original Film Soundtrack (Side 1)) The Instruments Of Classical Music: The Cello (Instruments Of Classical Music) The King Of Western Swing - 25 Hits 1935-1945 (Bob Wills) The Last of the Mohicans (I. Grave - Allegro di molto e con brio) The Legendary 1984 Moscow Concert - Chopin: Piano Concertos Nos. 1 & 2 (Evgeny Kissin, Moscow Philharmonic Orchestra - Dmitri Kitaenko) The Legendary Masters Series (Gary Lewis & The Playboys) The Legendary Sun Records Story Vol 2 (1-3) (Red Hot) The Legendary Sun Records Story Vol 2 (Disc 2) (Carl Perkins) The Legendary Sun Records Story Vol. 2 (Disc 3) (Miss Froggie) The Lost Tapes Volume 1 (National Lampoon) The Piano Quartets, Disc 1 Brahms: Piano Quartets, Opp. 25,60 (Piano quartet, Op. 25 (G minor)) The Piano Quartets, Disc 2 Brahms: Piano Quartets, Opp. 25,60 (I Allegro non troppo) The Pirates Of Penzance (Disc 1) (D'Oyly Carte Opera Company) The Pirates Of Penzance (Disc 2) (Original Broadway Cast) The Pirates of Penzance (Mackerras/Welsh National Opera) The Planets (Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, Andr Previn) The Presidents Of The United States Of America (The Presidents Of The United States Of America) The Producers (Orchestra) The Producers (The Producers) The Puccini Album:Arias For Piano (John Bayless_) The Rodgers And Hart Songbook (Tony Bennett) The Russian Album (Paul McCartney) The Rutles (The Rutles) The Short-Tempered Clavier and other dysfunctional works for keyboard (Prof. Peter Schickele) The Specials (The Specials) The Stiff Records Box Set (Disc 1) (Nick Lowe) The Stiff Records Box Set (Disc 2) (Nick Lowe) The Stiff Records Box Set (Disc 3) (Madness) The Stiff Records Box Set (Disc 4) (The Belle Stars) The Stoned Guest (P.D.Q. Bach) The Three Tenors In Concert (Jose Carreras, Placedo Domigo & Luciano Pavarotti) The Tiffany Transcriptions, Vol. 3: Basin Street Blues (Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys) The Tiffany Transcriptions, Vol. 6 - Sally Goodin (Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys) The Tony Bennett Bill Evans Album (Tony Bennett) The Ultimate Collection (Disc 2) (George Formby) The Ultimate Collection (George Formby) The Velvet Underground & Nico (The Velvet Underground) The Very Best Of Burt Bacharach (The Shirelles) The Very Best Of Otis Redding (Otis Redding) The Very Best Of The YardBirds (The Yardbirds) The Very Good Years (Frank Sinatra) The Who By Numbers (The Who) The Wind (Warren Zevon) Their Greatest Hits (The Eagles) Theme and variations II (Alfred Brendel) Third Eye Blind (Third Eye Blind) Thirty Years Of Maximum R&B (Disc 1) (The Who) Thirty Years Of Maximum R&B (Disc 2) (The Who) Thirty Years Of Maximum R&B (Disc 3) (The Who) Thirty Years Of Maximum R&B (Disc 4) (The Who) This Land Is Your Land: The Asch Recordings Vol. 1 (Woody Guthrie) Thisway (Thisway) Through The Past, Darkly (Big Hits Vol. 2) (The Rolling Stones) Thunderball (John Barry) Time Remembered (Bill Evans) Title of Record (Filter) Together Again (Tony Bennett/Bill Evans) Tommy (The Who) Tommy: A Rock-Steady Opera (Ye Olde English) Tony Bennett - Here's to the Ladies (Tony Bennett) Tony Bennett Sings Ellington Hot & Cool (Tony Bennett) Topsy-Turvy (Various artists) Total Yodel! (Wylie & The Wild West) Tragic Kingdom (No Doubt) Tranceport 1 (Paul Oakenfold) Travelers & Thieves (Blues Traveler) Traveling Wilburys Vol 3 (Traveling Wilburys) Traveling Wilburys, Vol I (Traveling Wilburys) Trout Quintet (Franz Schubert) Two Pianos Are Better Than One (P.D.Q. Bach (Peter Schickele)) Two Rooms: Celebrating The Songs Of Elton John & Bernie Taupin (Eric Clapton) Uh-Oh (David Byrne) Ultimate Broadway (Alfred Drake) Ultimate Broadway (Disc 2) (Barbra Streisand) Unchained (Johnny Cash) Under the Pink (Tori Amos) Undertow (Tool) Unplugged (Eric Clapton) Unplugged (Paul McCartney) Unplugged (Tony Bennett) Up A Lazy River (Leon Redbone) Ute Lemper Sings Kurt Weill, Vol. 2 (Ute Lemper) Verdi Gala (Giuseppe Verdi) Verdi: Requiem & Operatic Choruses (Robert Shaw, Atlanta Symphony Orchestra and Chorus) WTWP Classical Talkity-Talk Radio (P.D.Q. Bach) Wanting (Gabriela Anders) War (U2) We Can't Dance (Genesis) Welcoming Home The Astronauts (Flickerstick) When I Was Cruel (Elvis Costello) Who Are You (The Who) Who Framed Roger Rabbit - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Alan Silvestri) Wonsaponatime (John Lennon) Works for Solo Violin (Allemanda -) World's Most Dangerous Party (Disc 1) (Paul Shaffer) World's Most Dangerous Party (Disc 2) (Paul Shaffer) Yeomen Of The Guard / Trial By Jury (Disc 1) (Gilbert & Sullivan) Yeomen Of The Guard / Trial By Jury (Disc 2) (Welsh National Opera - Sir Charles Mackerras) You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (Original Broadway Cast Album) You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, And Doggone It, People Like You (Stuart Smalley) Zooropa (U2)
| | Still busybusyBUSYbusy, but God sent me a message an hour ago and though he didn't command me to deliver His word unto the masses, but He knows what a big tattletale I am so I'm sure this was his way of getting the word out while maintaining plausible deniability.
This is still Hell Fortnight (a whole seven days worse than Hell Week) and in the interests of getting things done on schedule, I've temporarily suspended some of my various Mission Rules. Drive-through junk food, for one. A Big Mac Value Meal is ample evidence that life on this great, green Earth is a good one and that there's still much beauty and magic to be found therein. But consuming it is only slightly less-hazardous than consuming a whole box of those old-fashioned Christmas tree bulbs, so I limit myself to only two or three times every two months.
But already I'm on my second drive-through of the week, and needless to say I haven't been to the gym to take my regular Constitutionals, either. I was stopped at an intersection just a few dozen yards away from my gym and a Quarter Pounder and fries were cooling on the passenger seat, and so I was sort of reflecting on my need to return to Good Habits once this big project's over and done with.
No sooner did I complete that thought when I spotted two sets of police lights urgently threading their way through traffic on the other side of the divided highway. Performing an action that would have done "Smokey And The Bandit II"'s stunt coordinator proud, they executed two careless U-turns right in front of my headlights and then, suspensions into the snap-turn, they screeched to a halt in front of my gym, followed by the local fire department's med-rescue truck.
Just the other day, one of my favorite bloggers posted an item about how over the weekend he'd just missed being part of a pretty serious car wreck. He was a few miles back when it happened, so he was merely inconvenienced for three hours while the police and fire department cleared the wrecks, tended to the victims, and started traffic going again. But if he hadn't spent a few minutes messing around with a gas-station slot machine after gassing up the car, he'd have probably been in the pileup instead.
Well, brothers and sisters, your correspondent dodged a similar bullet tonight. If I had been diligent about taking my Constitutionals, that could have been ME who had the heart attack, or the stroke, or who finally ogled the redhead in the grey bike shorts once too often and was beaten to death with a spar of white ash she furiously tore off the Pilates machine.
See, it's important to understand that you're always just one bad decision — or even one random decision — away from death. Believe me, I've learned my lesson. I'm still going to visit the gym three or four times a week, but from now on I'm just going to ogle the redhead while sitting in the parking lot eating a bag of drive-through. When God sends a message, smart people listen.
| | The greatest damage that time machines have done to our Society up to this point has been the boring cliches of bad science fiction. You know, your grandmother leaves you an heirloom sideboard in her will, you notice it has a beverage ring over on the corner, you go back in time to 1953 to stop by at your grandmother's First Communion party and tell your great-Uncle Lyle to use a coaster, for God's sake. And then you return to the present and holy cow, that new SUV you bought a week ago has the cloth interior instead of the optional leather package you'd laid out an extra $1200 for.
So I don't want to add to that awful tradition. All I want is one of those time machine deals where you just have a non-interactive viewscreen that lets you observe past events.
If you had a working time machine, I think you'd waste the first hundred pulls of the handle — you should have to pull a handle to operate a time machine; if UPS delivered my time machine and I discovered that it was an iPod-like device without any mechanical interface at all, I don't think I'd even bother to put the batteries in — on the knee-jerk stuff. Set it to 32 AD and see "The Passion Of The Christ" in its original, less-violent form, without blowing $10.25 plus parking. Dealey Plaza, November 1963; you already know that Oswald did it and acted alone, but you want to be able to redouble your arrogance and add the postscript "you idiots!" to all of your talking points when discussing the Kennedy Assassination with a conspiracy theorist. Back to Nova Scotia in the early eighteenth century to see what the hell was buried on Oak Island before treasure-hunters mucked up a system of engineering worthy of the Acme Corporation. Fast-forward to 2005 to see how the Michael Jackson trial comes out and how well Martha Stewart does in stir...that sort of thing.
The really useful revelations doesn't come until after you get all that out of your system. I was thinking about this today as I ate my lunch. Olives occur in Nature and predate Man by a considerable stretch. Therefore, the question "Who was the first person to put olives on all of his fingers and then, in comic fashion, growl and menace the person next to them?" is an unanswerable one.
But not so with "Bugles" corn snacks. Manifestly the work of Man, they're the product of creativity and engineering and their origins can be pinpointed precisely to a General Mills plant in 1966. Someone working there looked at the first batch to tumble out of the extrusion machine and they saw not tasty treats but pointy, scary claws. Seconds later ten snacks were on his fingertips, still warm. "RrrrrrRROWRRR!!!" he yelled to the first available person, swatting at the air in front of their faces, earning in the process both big atomic laughs and an immediate request to go over and do that to Earl in the QC shack because he would, like, just die.
(Of course, I'm making an assumption here. Did this unknown innovator roar like a jungle predator, or did they cackle like a witch? I bet the answer falls along predictable gender lines.)
I think with my 101st pull of my time machine's handle, I'd go back to 1966 and get a firm answer on that. Not all of us can say that we discovered penicillin — incidentally, if you can and you're reading this: nice job, really useful stuff, that — or came up with the "Habitat For Humanity" concept or imagined that there might be big money in nailing a peach basket up against the house and encouraging kids to try to chuck volleyballs into it. Many people think they've done absolutely nothing with their lives and that they're going to die having left no legacy whatsoever.
And yet somewhere out there there's a man or woman in their fifties to eighties who has abslutely no idea that they were the very first to put Bugles on all of their fingers. That they, personally kicked off a rec-room party tradition and a vector for annoying your younger siblings that will endure for centuries.
I think this person deserves to know that. It'd really spiff up the first paragraph of the obituary. Even the Habitat For Humanity guy would read that in the paper and think "Damn...and what will I be remembered for?"
That reminds me: I'm out of Bugles.
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