Testing...testing...
Forgive me, folks, just testing the microphones and such...
More testing, folks. Some of the software I've written to handle this is deciding to be all irky and petulant all of a sudden.
Okey-dokey. I'm willing to believe that this software is now ship-shape, or at least I'm willing to believe that this software believes that if it acts up on my just once more I'm going to pull that big decorative axe down from above my mantle and really give it something to think about.
Okay! We're off and running.
I suppose I should be pleased to learn that the reason why the posting software I wrote this afternoon stopped working about twenty minutes ago is the fact that, according to the server logs, demand for this page has gone flooey. So my poor server is trying to make big changes while lots and lots and lots of people are trying to access it.
Which makes me happy. One likes to think that other one(s) are reading and enjoying one's stuff. Yet one is kinda wondering how all you people found this page.
Ah, well. One deserves to be popular. One shouldn't keep putting one down; one doesn't want to get a swelled head or anything, but if one doesn't deserve some small measure of success, then who does, one wants to know?
So one -- sorry, "I'm" here watching the Oscar pre-game show. Let's not forget that this half-hour show came into being when too many former standup comediennes resuming a mummy that's been dug up, unwrapped, and spacked and sanded abused the Red Carpet interviews.
Well, I didn't like Joan Rivers' celebrity interviews -- I mean, as an interviewer, she makes Larry King seem well-informed -- but still, I miss the old circus. Lots of reporters with lots of agendas tag-teaming the celebrities in a free-for-all; it was fun seeing what was going on up front, but it was just as great to keep your eyes peeled on the background. You'd see forty or fifty local entertainment reporters from network affiliates all across the nation scrambling around, desperate to collar someone for an interview, trying (and failing) to conceal their disappointment when it turned out that the hunky leading man they'd just buttonholed turned out to be a damned writer of all things. "If only he were one of Nicole Kidman's limo drivers!" they seem to be saying, through their rictus-like smiles.
So out all of that went, to be replaced by a very safe, very predictable "official" Oscar pre-game show. Dash it.
So while there's a commercial on, let me explain the local scene here.
I am seated on my sofa.
Lilith 5, my PowerBook G4, is in my lap and is the machine I'm using to create this coverage.
Lilith 4, my PowerBook G3 Bronze, is on a cart to my left. A wireless keyboard and mouse are attached. Via Lilith 4 I am participating in three different online Oscar parties, including a private one with two of my best buds.
My dual-processor G4 "Quicksilver" tower is on another cart to my right. This is my "reference" machine, offering
Oh, cool; they came out from commercial too late...so we've lost the very start of the awards. Abruptly we stop learning about Dunkin' Donuts and join an introduction of seated directors in mid-sentence.
Altman looks cranky. Someone should tell him he's been nominated for an Academy Award.
Hey..is that Donald Sutherland doing the voice-over? Cool.
Tom Cruise is first up...and wowzers, John Williams is conducting the orchestra?!? Somethin' cool's going on.
But I wonder why Tom Cruise decided to wear his Blues Brothers costume instead of coming out in an actual tuxedo?
And here we have the first mention of 9/11 of the evening. I'm kind of disappointed. By now, we've all found our personal relationship with the event and way of coping. Does it serve any good to keep raising that spectre?
I miss the opening montage of theme-related movie clips...which the Oscars used enough times for them to become beloved, but not a beloved tradition.
But wow, I like the Errol Morris film they've commissioned. I wonder if he used his special gizmo for it. He does so many first-person tales like this one that he built a special camera rig with beam-splitters that allow the subject to speak directly into the camera while actually looking at, and making the mental connection to, the filmmaker himself.
Film is a personal medium. I think "Moulin Rouge" was one of the worst films I saw all year. Yet other people are nuts for it. Good for them. This montage demonstrates that movies are all about what a movie does to you.
Whoopu Goldberg makes his entrance on a trapeze, a la Moulin Rouge. I don't dislike her that much as an Oscar host...but I confess that my first reaction was to think about that WWF wrestler who died trying to make a similar appearance.
How long until the first fart joke?
OK, that's it for Whoopi's intro. Really nothin' to it. Nothing special. That's why I don't think she's a good tap for host.
On the plus side...she didn't do anything really dumb. So I guess I just lost a five-dollar bet...
Best Supporting Actress. Everyone seems to think that Jennifer Connelly has a lock on this one. Let's see.
Yup, that's it all right. My first correct call of the night, but the thing is, when everyone is calling someone the inevitable winner, that's the inevitable winner. Why? Because the voters watch TV and read newspapers and magazines. They don't actually watch movies, you know? So if everyone is sayin' it, sooner or later, the voters will believe it and vote accordingly.
JC's nomination and win has also put an idea in the back of my mind...one that might influence my future Oscar picks. The idea is that sometimes, a Best Supporting Actress Oscar might be given as a "thank-you" gift for having enthusiastically done some really great nudity earlier on in her career.
Call it the Kim Basinger Rule. The only problem with this as an indicator is that if it's actually true, why the bloody hell didn't Connelly get her Oscar the moment "The Hot Spot" got its first preview?
Wowzers. Donald Sutherland and Glenn Close doing announcements. Not only that...but they're actually reading commercial endorsements. I gotta wonder what sort of deals had to get swung to make that happen.
"Take it from me, Glenn Close: nothing satisfies more than the clean, refreshing taste of a Camel Light.."
And judging from that last shot of Connelly backstage, it looks like we can look forward to some red freak dancin'...
Film Editing. This was a tough one to call because predicting the winner requires you to figure out what the voters think "Film Editing" means. It could mean "Lots and lots of cutting," like in Moulin Rouge. It could mean "Some sort of flashy storytelling technique," as in Memento. It could mean a good, conventional job of editing.
And it went to "Black Hawk Down." I called it incorrectly, but I did say that BHD would be one of the front runner. BHD's win means that the voters were voting for actual editing. An action film -- particularly one that's exceptionally well-handled like this one -- has an edge in this category because it's so difficult to tell a story effectively when so many of the scenes consist of action. A man is shot. Do you start on the shooter? Or on the target?
Think about all the different ways that one can be answered, and you can understand why action films can be so hard to cut.
Note that the winner was wearing a proper tuxedo with a hand-tied bowtie. It's the technical people and the writers who never, ever ever show up for formal occasions in non-formalwear.
Best Makeup. First win for "Lord Of The Rings." Should be the first of a great many: I'm predicting it to win most of the technical awards.
The tech awards can also be tough to predict because voters can imprint their like or dislike of the nominees. If you loved Moulin Rouge, you might have thought that while "Lord Of The Rings" had the most ambitious (and important) makeups, why, "Moulin Rouge"'s were subtle! Elegant! "You know it's great because you can't even tell it's there!"
(Which is true. Everyone's wearing some sort of wig and/or facial appliance)
Two presenters wearing nonstandard ties. What's the deal with wearing a standard necktie with a tuxedo?
Best Costume. They know nothing about proper formal attire but their filmed intro is a good bit. Wonder why wrote it. Hell, maybe they did it themselves.
Back to the podium. Yeah, see, I'm also really thrown by the black shirt black tie black jacket deal. Makes me think of Hotblack Desiato's ship from "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy."
The Nominees. This should be an easy one for "Moulin Rouge." I actually think it was a bigger challenge for "Rings"; MR was a very insulated film, whereas "Rings" had to costume characters from so many disparate worlds and cultures.
And it's "Moulin Rouge." I didn't care much for the film, yes, but I'm cheering for it to win in any category which I've already gone out on a limb and publicly predicted that they'll win for.
Costume guy is wearing a necktie instead of a bowtie, but it's a formal necktie. Plus, dang, he knows how to wear such a thing. Bonus point for being a costume designer and not wearing a tux that screams "Hey! I'm a costume designer!"
Wowwww...Woody Allen! On the Oscar stage! Getting a standing ovation, no less! Cool beans.
(and he came up with a great line, too)
He's demonstrating that we should never forget that he was a fantastic standup comic before becoming a filmmaker. His double-album remains a real classic.
I'm glad he's introducing this New York tribute film this way. The time for solemnity is long-past. It's no longer appropriate to speak about New York City with your hands clasped behind your back and staring moodily at the ground.
(Aside: The great problem with so many of the 9/11 tributes is that it takes a long time to actually produce these things. When the producers of the Super Bowl Halftime Show planned their tribute, the events were probably just a few weeks old. By the time the Super Bowl actually took place, we'd all found our own relationship to the events and begun to find our own peace. So the sight of people re-enacting the simple raising of the World Trade Center flag, using the actual flag itself was sickening and garish.
At least it was to me.
But this filmed tribute was right-on. It was full of delight and exuberance and charm. It's time to look forward, not back.)
Cinematography...
"Lord Of The Rings." This was one of those picks where it really, really should have been the one I picked. Evaluating cinematography is a delight. It means you go into the theater and try not to listen to the dialogue or follow the story: just look at the pictures.
Comparing other nominees to "Lord Of The Rings" is sort of like comparing skiers who grew up in Brazil to the ones who grew up in Austria. It's not that the Brazilian skiiers aren't talented and aren't wonderful athletes...but there are so many opportunities in Austria that good skiiers soon become great.
So when a director comes to you and says "Hank," (if Hank your name it be) "I've got a movie here that involves lots of tiny sets, lots of enormous sprawling vistas, scenes of intense natural beauty and scenes taking place in environments that are beyond the imagination of even the most rabid regular poster on rec.arts.movies.scifi.nerd.nerd.nerd. Interested?"...you, as a cinematographer see nothing but Opportunity To Exercise And Further One's Art.
A montage about Documentaries. See, now this is how they should fill time during the OscarCast. I don't wanna see Savion Glover's Interpretive Dance In Honor Of The Death Of The Final Surviving Castmember Of "The Apartment." I'm watching the whole Oscarcast because I love movies, not Entertainment.
Well, that line seemed a lot better inside my head. But you know what I mean.
(Server problems are more or less over with; server was getting hammered as everyone was tuning into this site as soon as they began tuning into the Oscars. But now that everyone's hitting the site at their own pace instead of all at once, things have more or less taken care of themselves. Now I'm only failing to connect once every twenty minutes or so.)
Dang, Best Documentary is "Murder," not "Promises." Best Documentary is impossible to safely call. Unless you can sense some sort of Buzz, you go with anything having to do with the Holocaust or related issues...only because those topics have won so often.
Best Documentary isn't voted on by absolutely everyone and has been a regular source of controversy. It used to be that the most important thing to do when striving for a Best Documentary Oscar was not to capture and document the truth of the universal human condition, but to serve on the Documentary Oscar committee and make some friends. It's a little better now, but it's still a hard category to get a handle on.
Best Documentary Short: Thoth. Dang. Another one I missed out on.
Aw, geez, what the hell is coming up to the stage? Ah. The subject of the documentary. Why couldn't "American Movie" have won, then? If Mark Borschardt and his pal Mike had been given a chance to speak to one of the largest live audiences in world history, well, they'd probably stop running that clip of the streaker in the Oscar Highlight Reel.
Thoth, for his part, reminds me that sometimes there's a limited difference between Being Wonderfully Open To Love And Delight and being just narking nuts.
Art Direction. I took a risk here, going with "Rings." Which should win. But "Moulin Rouge" has flashier art direction, so hmm...
Damn. "Moulin Rouge." Robbery. It's not that the art direction isn't good work...it's just that the film only demanded a one-note approach on a highly limited number of sets. "Rings" required that the art director erase the whiteboard and start all over again at least five times with each change in location.
And with this loss, my chances of breaking my old record have been dashed. My best year I correctly called 20 winners. I've already missed four. Dash it! Time to fish another bottle of Coke (in a glass bottle, as God commands) out of the ice chest.
Technical Awards. Please please please don't mock the Tech Awards winners like you did last year. That's just dumb. It's like mocking a plumber or an electrician. Let's see how well you'd do without 'em if the water, sewer, and electrical service in your house were all pulled out, all right?
Nathan Lane. Let's have him host! He's at once funny, cutting, and somehow respectful. Whoopi can deal with one of these at a time.
Where's my bottle opener?
Cool, all of the nokminees were CGI so of course, they're all being composited into the audience.
Hahaha! This introduction is way, way better than Whoopi's entire Oscar intro.
Oscar goes to Shrek. Cool, the studios had to provide clips of the winners winning and losing.
I predicted that "Shrek" would win, but I was pulling for "Monsters, Inc." which I think was a better flick. "Shrek" made a good start but failed to maintain its edge and quickly settled into a fairly tame and traditional "fish out of water" kiddie toon.
But the big question is "Why wasn't 'Waking Life' nominated?" Why was "Jimmy Neutron" nominated and not an innovative and grown-up film? Why was "Neutron" nominated instead of Disney's "Atlantis"?
The answers are potentially bad news for the future of the category. Potentially, they're
1) This category is for the best kiddie film, and will not serve to further the development and recognition of animation; so "Waking Life," as well as any other film that tries to promote the idea that animation is a Film Medium, not a Kiddie Film Medium, doesn't have a chance.
2) This category is going to be controlled by the studios, not by the Academy. How else to explain the inclusion of "Jimmy Neutron"? Rumor has it that Disney intentionally withheld "Atlantis" from consideration, knowing that "Shrek" would undoubtedly be one of the nominees; they didn't want the Disney vote to get split, so they chose to push one film forward.
Best Sound. A real tough one. Who really knows the difference between Best Sound and Best Sound Effects Editing? (I do. But then again, when I don't know stuff, I go look it up)
Yeah, see, "Black Hawk Down" wins for Best Sound, when it really should have won (or even been nominated) for Best Sound Effects Editing. SFE is about 'splosions and individual noises. Best Sound is about creating a total sound picture.
"Pearl Harbor" wins for Best 'Splosions, as expected.
Best Supporting Actor. Jim Broadbent. OK, cool; he did a great job in the film he was actually nominated for, and the fact that he supported three of the Best Actress nominees, and let's also say the fact that he was so super in "Topsy-Turvy" last year, means that he's got it coming.
Still, I had picked Ian McKellen. Ian's nomination was definitely one of those "He was a Lead Actor, but a gentle older Englishman is gonna get creamed in that category so let's take out ads asking the Academy to please please please won't you nominate him as a Best Supporting instead?" sort of deals. He's the backbone of "Rings."
Back to formalwear. You ever drive through a neighborhood and look at all the houses and you just think "Man oh man...the aluminum-siding salesman who came through this street about twenty years ago must've been one sliiiiick-talkin' sumbitch"?
Man...the knee-length formal topcoat salesman who came through Hollywood last month must've been one sliiiiick-talkin'...
Aw, man, the Oscarcast producers must be reading this log. They're doing a tribute to film special effects. Just to piss me off, they're using it as an excuse to bring out Cirque du Soleil.
See, the freak with the hula hoops is blocking my view of Maria's transformation scene from "Metropolis." So perhaps we could have a little less of the freak with the hula hoops or the freak with the trampoline and the freak with the thingamabob and the other dealie. Okay?
Best Visual Effects goes to "Lord Of The Rings." Another one that really should have been obvious. With some categories you think about various plusses and minuses and external factors that might affect a nomination. But Best Visual Effects really had to have gone to the film with (a) the most spectacular visual effects and (b) $300,000,000 in ticket sales. If it hadn't, the reason why would wind up shaping Oscar oddsmaking for years to come.
After all, when up is down and north is south and dogs really can play poker, who knows where to put your trust?
Wait, wait! There's a tribute to VISUAL effects, and they obscure the screen with refugees from the set of "Mad Max" jumping up and down on discarded gym equipment...but when they're doing the tribute to film scores, a speciality in which all y'gotta to is listen, oh, then they don't want anything blocking everyone's view?
That's it. I think I'm just gonna have to produce next year's Oscarcast myself, dammit. They've proved that they're too immature to govern themselves and have left themselves ripe for annexation.
Man alive! Everybody reading this at an Oscar party: suggest a new drinking game. You gotta do a shot every time someone appears onstage in a necktie and knee-length overcoat.
Well, he might have been Alternatively Attired, but I'm glad that the guy who scored "Lord Of The Rings" won.
Denzel Washington appears in proper attire. And I thought I couldn't possibly respect him any more than I already did...
It's not that you intend to go to the bathroom during the Lifetime Achievement Award, but if you're like me, at this stage during the telecast you've been sitting on this sofa for three hours and you're on your fourth or is it the fifth Coke and if you don't go to the bathroom in the bathroom, a more straightforward result will occur.
It seems odd that we're 210 minutes into the telecast and we haven't heard any of the Best Song nominees yet. That probably means they'll present them as a medley. And why not. After all, this year Sting and Paul McCartney are nominated. It's not like they've got some sort of big star that could hold everyone's attention for a whole three minutes...
With the appearance of Hugh Jackman, may I point out that we have three people in the Oscarcast who have, or will, play characters from Marvel comics (Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, um, that kid who's playing Spider-Man, and Jennifer Connelly, the future Betty Ross from the upcoming Hulk film.)
Best Short is "The Accountant." I picked this one because it was long-form (about twice as long as the next-longest nominee), because it was a really colorful story (a couple of good ol' boys hire an accountant to think up creativbe ways to save their family farm).
Bust Animated Short. "For The Birds." I'm happy it won and I'm a little disappointed. I picked it to win. It really deserved to win. But I'm starting to wonder if Pixar is one of the 900-pound gorillas of this category for the right reasons.
(Hey, cool, he thanked Steve Jobs, as actually is proper.)
Anyway. It seems like if it's a Pixar film, or an Aardman, or (to a lesser film) from the Film Board of Canada, it's in. But what am I complaining for. "For The Birds" was funny. It was superbly animated. And it pushed new technical boundaries without looking like they were showing off their new feather-rendering algorithm.
Sting sings his Best Song nominee. Looks like it will be a medley, with the performers singing truncated versions. He's at the center-left section of the stage, with the remainder of the stage curtained off.
So why the bloody hell did Cirque du Soleil get an entire act to itself? I say, cut the Cirque. Let's see entire performances from the Best Song nominees. Enya is a best-seller. Sting is a best-seller. Faith Hill's doing just fine for herself and her record company, and can you get any bigger or famouser than Sir Paul McCartney? Randy Newman...okay, sure, let him in there too. That's how strongly I feel about this.
(Look, he's brought John Goodman with him, cool. If I were a better man, I wouldn't be so pleased that it was Goodman and not Roseanne who wound up still having a career after the sitcom ended)
Paul McCartney. I'd be a little disappointed if he won. It might be just my ear, but for years it's seemed to me that his post-Wings songs fall into two categories: wonderful new creations, or things that spilled straight out of his tune-o-matic software.
The winner: Randy Newman. Damn. You're tired of hearing this, but I'm not tired of saying it: every Randy Newman song sounds like the exact same basic dish. Some have a little more salt, some are slathered in ketchup, some might have an extra squirt of Tabasco, but it's all this monotonous plunk-PLUNK-plunk-PLUNK junk.
There are exceptions. Yes. There are exceptions. But "If I Didn't Have You" mushes straight into "You've Got A Friend In Me" which mushes straight into "I Love To See You Smile" et cetera and given the beautiful meolody of Sting's "Until" and the way that Enya's "May It Be" was perfectly integrated into "Lord Of The Rings" I can't help but think that this was nothing more than a pity Oscar. Lotsa nominations over lotsa years and no Oscar.
Rrgh. Okay. So he's won an Oscar. Maybe now he'll GO...AWAY.
Here's an interesting one. Will they give "Best Adapted Screenplay" to "Lord Of The Rings," on the basis of the sheer enormity of the task?
Nope, it goes to "A Beautiful Mind." I thought this was a pretty safe one, but I had some second thoughts. In the end I decided that the adapters of "Rings" would be more or less invisible. Plus, it's probably the most typical sort of winner. Let's see who wins "Best Original." I might be able to explain it better if who I think's gonna win, wins...
Yup, "Gosford Park." See, if you want a real lock, you look for a film that's all about acting, that got lots of critical acclaim, and that hasn't the slimmest chance of winning anything else.
So that's "Rings" and "Shrek" out; they're considered to be special effects films. "A Beautiful Mind" would be an underdog here because voters think, hell, it's gonna win Best Picture so let's give the Oscar to a film that needs one. But no one's seen or heard of "Ghost World." They should have seen "Ghost World" because it was one of the ten best films of the year. But they didn't. The film's limited release could have been countered with a big Oscar promotion where the film company makes sure that Terry Zwigoff et all make the rounds of all the chat shows specifically to pooh-pooh rumors that it's a lock for Best Original Screenplay, thus creating the rumor. But no such luck.
If no one had seen or heard of "Gosford Park," it would've been in "Ghost World's" position and Best Adapted would have gone to "Monster's Ball"...another film that won't win one of the "Picture" awards.
Best Foreign goes to...not "Amelie." Okay. I felt I had to select it because it was nominated for just about everything else, and as such I felt that this just had to be taken of a sign of widespread awareness of -- and respect for -- the film. And I just couldn't get a bead on any sort of buzz for any of the nominees, so I went with my first hunch.
Russell Crowe presents "Best Actress."
(Wearing a duster: Jesse, Brenda, and Jim, who have emailed since my posting about the drinking game: you may tell your group to drink up again. Just make sure that everyone put their car keys in a fishbowl before you broke out the Stoli. (a) because friends don't let friends drive drunk, and (b) I'll tell you about another fun little game you grownups can play later on.)
His clothing is a little closer to proper formal attire, at least. Unlike last year, when he was nominated for "Gladiator." I think this year he sensed that if he wins, he'll win for his role in an actual bona-fide decent movie and he dressed accordingly.
Ooooohhhhhhh...he mispronounced Sissy Spacek's name.
It's Halle Berry (he said, checking again to make sure that he's spelling it right, after just having bitched about Crowe mispronouncing Spacek's). Good, good, good. I was afraid it'd be Nicole Kidman. I thought it would be a somewhat tight race between Halle and Spacek, to exceedingly deserving nominees. On the basis of merit, I couldn't really choose between the two. But again, when Everyone Is Saying That [blank] Will Win you have to factor that in.
She's crying. Call me a softie but it's great when someone wins who isn't afraid to show how happy they are to win. And what a wonderful, respectful speech. Aw, and Mom's crying and her husband's close to cryin' and now I'm starting to tear up but to be truthful I've got this persistent eye problem and I'm supposed to be taking these drops for them and I don't think I took 'em today. But look, I'm moved, nonetheless.
(But when a winner starts thanking her lawyers, individually, it's time to start playing her off the stage)
How cool...Denzel Washington wins as Best Actor for "Training Day."
I picked Russell Crowe. I thought he did as good a job in "Beautiful Mind" as Denzel did in "Training Day." Plus, "Mind" was a more recent film, it's gonna win Best Director and Best Picture (though maybe I shouldn't speak so fast, there), and it's unusual for a film like "Training Day" to create a Best Actor award.
No doubt there will be those who will claim that the voters decided to honor African-American actors this year. Rubbish. Halle Berry and Denzel Washington won because, individually, they created some wonderful characters. That the top acting honors went to African-Americans is just a happy coincidence.