| Foreword to "Publishing
On The World-Wide Web" |
| In
which I sort of get a few things off my chest regarding how the
Web has impacted my life and, more importantly, what other people
think of me. (From the old site) |
|
| "The
Collectors' Massacree" |
| You
poor, sad person; you just don't understand why some people collect
things. How do you even live, not owning 14 figurines from
the Marx Hall Of Presidents set, and being preoccupied by the question
of where you can get more? Let me explain the basic concept to you...
(4/2001) |
|
| "The
Boys In Blue" |
| It's
not about me. It's about those kids! Those adorable, tow-headed
kids who raked leaves and mowed lawns for months just so they could
afford an evening of performance art. Is Blue Man Group willing
to pick up the pieces when these loveable moppets learn the filthy
truth? (From the old site) |
|
| "Killing
Me With Kindness" | Reply To
An Ellen-Jamesian |
|
Hoo-boy,
is this a fun one. I wrote a review of the then-new Rosie O'Donnell
Show. It was well-received at the time (the show and the review)
but why was I getting hate mail from Ellen Jamesian-like Rosie
fans every eight months? Emails from people who, universally,
had not actually read the review?
|
| Years
later, I finally looked into it. You know how, like, Rosie O'Donnell
has, once or twice sort of mentioned her opinions regarding our
nation's gun laws? Well, there are people in the pro-gun community
which heard her and thought "Of course, I think her opinions
are ill-thought and don't reflect much of the reality of modern
life; also, when she cites crime and accidental-death statistics
of other nations, she overlooks compelling evidence that supports
my point of view. Still, I admire her for working so diligently
on a cause she believes in; I respect that." |
| ...And
then they put up websites calling her a fat, ugly disgusting whore.
Take a guess as to whose review they're all linking to, with the
comment "Hey, and it's not just me...here are some other people
who wishes the [censored] [censored] would go [censored] herself
and [oh, boy...]!" |
| Of
course, those Ellen Jamesians I mentioned are in much the same category.
Which is why sometimes I share these highly-amusing emails (and
my reply) with friends. Take a look at what I mean. (From the old
site) |
|
| "When
Bad Monday Comes" |
| A Monday
that ended great but began with more than 100% of the USDA's minimum-required
allowance of suckage. (From the old site) |
|
